They make me feel like a failure. {Disclaimer: I told you guys I was doing good, I didn't say there wasn't still some crazy mixed in.} My problem is if I read something from an 'expert' or a bloggy mom I really admire, and I'm not doing what they're doing or what they say is best...I feel bad.
For example, co-sleeping. I kicked Drew out of our room at 10 days old. She sleeps in a rock-and-play sleeper in her room by the door which is literally 3 feet from our door. But I cried the first night I decided to put her there. But the problem was that every sound she made, I heard. Meaning I wasn't sleeping. Now, with Trent, I wasn't sleeping because I was afraid he was going to die and had to constantly make sure he was breathing. Luckily, with Drew, I know my kids are made of sturdier stock, and I'm not afraid of that. {grin} But still...I wasn't sleeping. So I put her in her room. And felt awful. Because I SHOULD be co-sleeping.
And holding her. I hold Drew most of the day, naps and all. Which I did with Trent {but more for the whole keeping him alive reason}. I want to hold her, but it isn't practical. I feel like I'm jipping Trent of mommy time if I constantly have to tell him 'no' because I'm holding Baby Sister. So yesterday and today she's taken 1 nap in her room (baby steps people). And I cried. Because you hear about how the world is new to baby and baby is scared and needs your touch constantly for assurance. So I SHOULD hold her.
So all these labels and shoulds make me feel like sh*t. But I have to pull out my rational side {small as it is} and tell myself that labels don't matter. I love my kids. And I'm doing the best I can. I am a mom. That's the label I choose.
6 comments:
This is precisely why I don't read parenting books! I say go with your gut and do what works for YOU, not the experts or moms you admire :)
I think you have to do what feels most authentic to you and your family...I like parts of different styles and combine them for myself. And sleep is so critical to functioning as a mom...don't feel bad at all for doing whatever you need to do to get your rest!
Both my babes moved to their cribs at 2 weeks. They were noisy sleepers and preventing me from getting any. I think there is truthfully no one who fits a label. I always like to say "as moms we pick and chose what is important to us and try to keep a balance". I have weeks I really watch what the kids eat and try to do activities with them....but then the next week my laundry and chores are now piled up (because of the prior 'fun' week) and since I have to do housework, they eat more "easy" processed foods for snack. Being a MOM is the perfect label. :)
You SHOULD love your child, fed your child and keep your child safe. You are doing all of those and more! There's no such thing as a perfect mom. The mom you admire that is co-sleeping may never actually sleep and therefore lose her temper more easily with her children (I say that, because that's what would happen to me if I didn't sleep!). You do what's best for you. Even though you love your babies more than anything in the world, you have to keep yourself as a #1 priority, so you can be the best mom to them possible. Hang in there! You're doing great and I KNOW you're a great mom!
Rhonda
I'm pretty "anti-parenting books"....not because I feel like I am superior and don't need them, but because I know that 1) they will make me question why or why I don't do certain things, and 2) no author knows what works best for my kids, or life, or family. My favorite quote these days is "Comparison is the thief of joy". It's so true. When you start comparing yourself (any aspect of life: parenting, cooking, being a wife, crafty, etc) you will feel like a failure no matter what. So I stay away and do things the way I want to and not by some book. Sounds like you are doing the same, and I think that's the best you can do! Your kids are lucky to have a momma that cares so much!
Can I say that I feel you 110%? I had to quit following what I was "supposed" to do and just do what felt right. (OR WORKED! Ha!) My breastfed, cosleeping baby never wore a cloth diaper and is fully vaccinated. She only drinks organic milk, but has had her fair share of McDonald's chicken nuggets.
I'm with you with the labels, why can't we all just be moms?
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