Book Deep Dive: The Explosive Child

A few years ago, Brent made a comment about me being so open about Trent's struggles on my blog. Yes, my journey with him is very much part of my day-to-day life, but I'm also putting a lot of Trent's business out on the internet, and as he grows, he might not appreciate everything I've shared. So I haven't really talked much about him as much, but that does not mean we're not still grinding away. 

And honestly, the last few months have been pretty awful. Tough enough that I've started having individual sessions with his therapist. Recently she suggested I read the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, and I'm so glad I did - it was fantastic!

I wanted to share more about it than I normally do in my monthly book reviews because I really think this book has strategies that could work for all families, not just ones with 'explosive' children. {grin} 

The main purpose of the book is giving strategies for problem solving with 'behaviorally challenging kids'. It talks about 3 ways you can solve problems:

1 - Plan A - whatever you are currently doing now - reward charts for good behavior [don't work for these kids], harsh punishments for every meltdown , tantrum, bad behavior, etc. [happens way too often and doesn't help] - which is basically not working because you wouldn't need this book if they were.

2 - Plan B - Dr. Greene's approach that I'll go more into detail below.

3 - Plan C - basically ignoring/prioritizing unsolved problems that you can wait to resolve because you have higher priority problems. For example, your child has a meltdown every time you ask him/her to brush teeth. You might have 10 issues you need to work through with your child but there's no way you can solve all of them at once, so you need to prioritize and the ones that don't make the top of the list, you legit ignore. You tell your kid 'It's time to brush teeth.' and your kid says 'Noooooo!'. Your response used to be a giant battle that eventually resulted in brushed teeth but everyone was upset. Right now, you'd say 'Okay' and you'd move on. You know you're eventually going to address the problem because your kid has to brush their teeth, but for now...you let that sh*t go.

What the author believes is that Kids Do Well If They Can. This is such an important concept to think about - it sounds simple but think about it - how many times in the middle of an argument does it seem like your kid is just being a jerk to be a jerk. But really they don't have the skills (Dr. Greene calls them 'lagging skills') to problem solve. Just this simple sentence alone has helped me - Trent is responding the way he does because he literally can't help himself and us constantly punishing him is never going to help. We need to work together to teach him the skills he needs so that he CAN do well! Very encouraging!

There's a whole checklist of Lagging Skills to consider for your child, and let me just say, there were a lot that fit Trent!

So what do you do once you've identified the skills your child is lacking? Honestly that isn't very critical because you really want to focus on the problems that result from those lagging skills.

For example, one lagging skill I highlighted was Difficulty handling unpredictability. You would think about the problems that fall into that category. So for every skill, you'd list out the problems. Then you decide which you want to tackle first and the rest fall into Plan C.

For the problem you want to resolve, you need to sit down with your child when NEITHER OF YOU ARE UPSET. So while in the middle of an argument, don't try to have a rational conversation. When you are sitting down, you try to drill down into why there is a problem - as the parent, you should be asking questions and letting your child answer. It's hard to not try and feed them answers but you really aren't supposed to - the book is great and there are a ton of resources online - to help you ask those questions. The end result should be that you really understand why your child is getting upset. From our earlier teeth brushing example - what if your kid hates the taste of the toothpaste or the toothbrush hurts their teeth? By drilling down, you will discover the WHY behind the problem.

THEN you brainstorm a solution. Again, you don't want to jump in and come up with an answer for your child, but the solution needs to be one that you and your child can both live with. Next, you put it into practice. If it works, great! You can go onto another problem. If not, you reconvene and tweak as needed.

So how did this work for us? We have been slowly Plan B-ing different issues and do have a list to get through. Nothing is perfect, but I've been happy with what we've done.

The first issue we tackled was him having a meltdown every time we asked him to clean his room. I can say 'Drew, go pick up your room.' and off she goes. NOT the case with Trent! I think this falls under several categories of lagging skills for Trent, so it was a great one for us to tackle together. I asked him ahead of time when we could talk about this issue, and we agreed on a time, and we came together and had a talk about why this was such a challenge. We drilled down and he admitted that he felt overwhelmed when he would look at his room and see everything that needed to be done and couldn't think about where to start. When I asked what we could do to prevent that from happening, he had a few suggestions that I couldn't agree to {remember both parties need to agree to the solution}. We finally agreed on a 2-fold approach: 1) on a daily basis, he will give us 3 minutes of effort - basically picking anything up! and 2) on the days we need him to fully clean his room, I will outline what needs to be done - 'Put away your clean clothes, pickup trash, put books on bookshelf' etc. - so that he sees it more clearly and then I do 1 task off the list. And it's working pretty well so far!

I think even the best-behaved kids in the world could benefit from Plan B because you end up really understanding why something is bothering your child and you work together to resolve it. Who doesn't love that? {grin}

A Lesson on Problem Solving

Trent still sees a therapist about once a month to help manage his anxiety {but I think he is about to graduate!!}, and his appointment last week was actually a really great one for me. I'm not always in the room the whole session, but I was and wanted to share what we talked about.

We were talking about problem solving because Trent is reacting badly/making poor choices for a situation in class - he is having to do extra work to prepare for the Standardized Math Test he has coming up in a few weeks, and his therapist talked to us about the 4 ways you can solve a problem.

1. Solve the Problem - First up, sometimes there is a simple solution and you can quickly solve the problem. Example - You take the wrong exit off the highway. Trent's answer was 'Take the next exit and circle back around.' PERFECT! 

We discussed the idea of Trent talking to his teacher about proving he is prepared and doesn't need to do the additional work. I mentioned this to Trent's teacher, and he was open to the idea but wants Trent to bring it up to him...and I'm struggling to get Trent to agree to that, ugh. But still nice that we were able to discuss how to apply this technique to Trent's situation.

2. Change Your Attitude - Sometimes you are able to change your attitude in relation to a less-than-ideal situation. Example - Your parents are taking you to Disneyland when you really wanted to go to Legoland. You can focus on that you are getting to miss school, there are still fun rides at Disneyland, you get to do something fun with your family. 

For Trent, we discussed focusing on that he doesn't have to come early or stay late, he gets to miss regular class time, the worksheets are easy, etc.

3. Acceptance - There can be situations that are out of your control to the point where the only thing you can do is accept your situation. The example his therapist gave cracked me up - she knows Trent REALLY well, so this isn't an example you'd use for just anyone, but Trent thought it was hilarious. Example - You have been falsely convicted of murder and are out of appeals and have a life sentence in prison. There's not really a way to solve this problem, it would be really hard to change your attitude and find the bright side of this situation - your best bet is to just say 'This is my lot in life, I need to make the best of it.' Make friends, work in the library, get a degree, create a life for yourself. 

For Trent's situation, this was pretty similar to change your attitude - I have to do the extra work, it's only for a few more weeks, just deal with it.

4. Stay Miserable - And lastly, do nothing and stay miserable. Obviously this is a choice everyone has, but Trent was able to see that this choice doesn't benefit him haha.

I really thought this was a great lesson, and when I talked about it with my sister, she agreed. She taught for 7 years, has been a mom for 10 years {and has been homeschooling her 3 kids for 5 1/2 years}, and she didn't know this and thought it was a great perspective. I'm excited to use this in the future with him - it is nice to be able to go through each option and relate it to the problem. Yes, I realize I'm a giant nerd! {grin}

Our Little Graduate!

We have reached a day that I wasn't sure would ever come, and I just had to share...

Trent graduated from speech therapy!!!!

Going all the way back to Trent's 3-year well-check, I blogged about how he misused his tongue - a trait he inherited from yours truly. From the minute he was born, his tongue firmly stuck out of his mouth. We called him 'Snake' in the hospital even, ha.

My cute, little tongue thruster

We did speech therapy for about 9 months right after he turned 3, but he wasn't ready. The therapists told us they felt guilty taking our money because he wouldn't do anything in his sessions!

Brent and I discussed it off and on for a few years, but the focus always ended up being more on his behavior, so it fell by the wayside. But last year, I finally bit the bullet and found a home health place, and we worked with an amazing therapist, Ms. Terri, for about a year.

And a few weeks ago, Trent finished his last session! He isn't using his ton 100% right all the time, but he is doing so much better, and often, he uses it correctly without prompting. I can't believe it - I really thought we'd never get here! I'm so proud of the work he put into his sessions and his practice between sessions. It's amazing to see the results of all his hard work!!

But just in case you were worried what we'd do with all that free time...

She's Trent's twin in more than just looks...

check out that tongue action! {grin}

Genetically Speaking...

I absolutely love this shirt...although it's probably inappropriate to buy for a 6 year-old.

We had a follow-up for Trent on Monday since starting treatment for his MTHFR gene mutation. I love his doctor so much. She understands so much about this mutation and everything she says makes so much sense. We talked about how he's doing, and bottom line he's doing great! We hardly ever have an outburst from him, he follows directions without arguing {mostly}, he's sweet with almost everyone, he is loving school... We added a supplement called Full Focus to help him in class because he is still having some anxiety about the new classroom {it's a bigger class, noisier, new teacher...}, so we'll see how that goes. I also want to eventually test Drew and then figure out if it was Brent or me who he {they?} inherited this from. If I had to guess, I'd say me, ha, but it'll be nice to know officially. 

Regardless, I am over the moon with how things are going - it's just frustrating that we spent so many years not having answers and feeling frustrated, defeated, helpless but thankful we have answers NOW.

Love this kid. #dowehavethesamenoseorwhat?

Finally...Some Answers!

I've been blogging about our journey with Trent for a long time. One of the 'to do' items after his neuropsych evaluation was to get Trent tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. As with everything in the medical field, it took some time to schedule the test and then get the results. But we got official confirmation this week.... Drumroll please...

Trent DOES have the gene mutation! 

{I know it might seem weird that I could be excited about this, but when you've been searching for an answer for 3 years, it's such an exciting moment to have answers!}

The best way I can explain this is the MTHFR gene produces an enzyme that breaks down folic acid and when it doesn't work correctly, your body doesn't break down toxins appropriately and they build up in your body which causes stress on your systems and can cause them to shut down and not work properly. {I think this article explains it really well and also has a link to the approximately 60 medical conditions that have been linked SO FAR to this mutation. Infertility, miscarriages, autism, ADD, anxiety, increased cancer risks, depression, post-partum...} I'm just starting to really research it, but it's pretty fascinating.

When we met with this specialist a few months ago, after talking about Trent's history and her observing him, she told me she was 99% sure he would test positive for the mutation, and she started us on a protocol for him immediately. It's something you add to in layers, so we're doing 2 things for him right now, and he's responding AMAZINGLY.

I'm so optimistic and while it's a little frustrating to think about what we've gone through {and spent} and especially what Trent has had to deal with, I'm just relieved to finally feel like we're moving forward!

Movie night in the park with my little love

Trent's Neuropsych Evaluation Results

I've been pretty open sharing about Trent's therapy over the past few years. I like being able to talk about it because it's cathartic for me, but at the same time, I want to respect Trent and not share too much {yes, it's our family, but ultimately, this is his story}, so I haven't talked much about his therapy in about 6 months. We've had good weeks, we've had bad...overall, we've had some forward momentum but not as much as I would like/hope. We've done some different group therapies {at first in addition to his time with Ms. Lauren and then in replacement of her} and just continued to power through with our little guy.

The next step that we've been working towards for awhile was a neuropsych evaluation. It took some time to find the group we wanted to work with, it took some waiting before the appointments, and it took some time for the results. Well, we got the results about 2 weeks ago!!! It was interesting because the doctor {who has been doing this for over 20 years} said she felt bad because she didn't have a conclusive answer for us and still no formal diagnosis. Honestly, I wasn't surprised. And almost everything we talked about it is what we've been talking about with every other therapist/specialist we've seen over the past 2 1/2 years.

So what were his results?

1. He's gifted. In some areas, his IQ is off the charts. While that might sound like a good thing {which it is}, gifted children {and especially boys} historically have more behavior problems.
2. He's hyperactive. This might be a duh thought for ANY mom of a 5 year old boy. They are NUTS. But Trent's hyperactive enough to be considered ADHD although he doesn't seem to have the 'attention deficit' piece of the puzzle. 
3. He's anxious. This one I didn't really expect but it makes so much sense with some of his fits.
4. He has some spectrum behaviors. Again nothing new here. No one has ever said he has autism, but his sensory issues are all consistent with being on the spectrum. The problems with transitions, things being too loud/hot/etc., his food aversions...

So what does all this mean? 

It means we're going to consider doing Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy {ABA} which is a little bit more of a formal/structured type of therapy. I don't know a ton about it, but his behavioral therapist, Ms. Lauren, has thought it might come to this, so again, I'm not surprised. We're also trying karate because Trent has been saying for at least 6 months that he wants to do it, and all the therapists he's seen have thought it would be great - it is apparently great for focus, concentration, self-esteem...all things that would be beneficial for Trent.

Our karate champ!

We're also going to have a blood test done on Trent because a lot of his behaviors are consistent with a blood disorder called MTHFR. I have a friend with this condition who has done a lot of research on it and suggested it to me. When I brought it up to the therapists who did the neuropsych testing they jumped all over it having seen kids with it that reminded them a lot of Trent. So that's scheduled for June.

Interestingly enough, the past 2 weeks {ever since we moved} Trent has been off the charts good. Brent and I find ourselves looking at each other multiple times a day in awe of him. His teacher has commented on how great he's being in class, too! We're definitely enjoying it {grin}!

So we'll see what the next round of everything brings about... To be continued as usual!

Setbacks, Road blocks, Stalls...

Trent can give us such a run for our money sometimes. I feel like every day is a new adventure with him. We've had some bumps the last 6 weeks or so at school, and it seems like his behavior is escalating at there. 

Overall, when Brent and I think back 6 months, 12 months, 18 months...it's night-and-day. He is SO much better in the scheme of things. But we aren't quite there yet. 

My obsession continues!

I absolutely LOVE his teacher and therapist. They are 2 amazing women who love my son. Talking with them, being with them, seeing them care for my son warms my heart. Knowing they have his best interest at heart makes it easier to continue down this long, winding path.

The past week, we have had to pick him up early from school for behavior. So there have been a lot of tears {mine and his}, talks, questions, guesses. We know we're at least on the right track, but are we doing enough? Brent has been a saint listening to my ramblings and being patient with me and SUCH a good dad. Trent responds to him like no one else. 

It's hard to stay mad at this face!

So we've decided to have a neuropsych evaluation done on Trent. His therapist has been hesitant to do this in the past because she feels a lot of the time there are kids who are overdiagnosed, so we're being cautious about who we pick. She also wants to consider group therapy with boys his age - there's a lot that can be accomplished in a group setting. Hopefully the next few months see more positive changes. I am definitely curious to see what the results of his evaluation will be, and if we uncover anything new, but I'm almost nervous... I just want the best for Trent - it shouldn't be this hard, right? He is SO great - he's funny, so sweet with Drew, playful, silly, smart, talkative. We just have to figure out the last few missing pieces in the puzzle that is Trent. In the meantime, any happy thoughts you could spare our way would be greatly appreciated!

Trent's Appointment with the Neurologist

Friday was a big day - at least to me. After months of waiting and 2 rescheduled appointments, we finally took Trent to a neurologist for a behavioral/developmental evaluation. There was very little in the appointment that was new information to me {pats self on back}, but it mostly validated what we've been feeling and gave us a new direction to try.

1. Sensory processing disorder - the doctor agreed that Trent likely has some sensory sensitivities, but this 'disorder' is not recognized in the psychiatric guide because there are so many variations of it. If his therapist says he has it {which she does}, he has it. He said returning to occupational therapy could help.
2. ADHD - I filled out a questionnaire about Trent's behaviors while the doctor did an assessment on Trent {during which he commented on how bright Trent is...I'm still glowing}. The result of that is that Trent LIKELY has ADHD. Kids oftentimes outgrow the 'symptoms' of ADHD, but the doctor said based on his observations, he thinks we'll get a diagnosis in a year or 2. I told him that I was not keen to try pharmaceuticals, so he agreed we'll take things slow. He recommended this amazing supplement to try...Omega-3. Um, Trent's been taking 500 mg a day of DHA for over 2 years, ha. We will be making a few dietary modifications too.
3. Behavior - Is it related to sensory or ADHD or it's own beast? Who knows! One thing that's new we're trying is Melatonin. When I explained how long it can take Trent to fall asleep at night {sometimes up to 2 hours}, he said he wants to try and increase the hours of sleep Trent is getting {we all know we aren't at our best if we're tired}. So we've done Melatonin for 3 nights, and it's been amazing. Tonight, Trent stopped me while reading and said he was ready to sleep! I've skirted around Melatonin for years, and I'm kind of kicking myself for not trying it sooner. He also wants us to see a behavioral therapist to work on a behavioral plan for Trent.

I also mentioned that I want to balance out Trent's therapies with being able to just be a kid. I don't want him in therapy 5 days a week, so we're now talking regular therapy, behavioral therapy, occupational therapy and don't forget speech for his lisp?!?! He agreed that this was too much and recommended behavioral over occupational and then layering in speech when we felt comfortable with our updated routine.

So that was our appointment in a not-very-concise summary. We'll follow-up in 6 months, too.

We met with Ms. Lauren yesterday and talked about all of this with her too! She's going to help us find a behavioral therapist and said likely if we switch to behavioral we wouldn't see her anymore. So while I have loved Trent spending that time with her every week, I'm excited for the thought of just switching out therapies...although I've heard behavioral can be pretty intense, so we'll see if I regret that in a few months.

It's amazing to think we've been on this journey for almost 2 years, and it seems like a 1 step forward, 2 steps back game a lot of times. When I think back to some of the lows we've had, I can be proud of the progress we've made, but overall I still think we have a ways to go... Here's to the journey!

Let's Check-In on Trent, Shall We?

When we last checked in on T, we were starting a new school. He {and Sister} have been going for almost 2 months and things are...FABULOUS!

Trent has adapted so well, loves his new school and teacher and has made friends! He doesn't whine about going to school which is HUGE. 

I also am using an essential oil mixture for SPD/ADHD, and I really think that is playing into things too. 

I think part of the problem before was a lack of consistency. Trent spent Monday with my parents and Wednesday with Brent's parents and went to school Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Consistency is KEY for kids. Of course we had no clue when we set up our schedule like this and felt so blessed for our kids to get extra grandparent time. I felt bad at first that both kids were now going to school 5 days a week, but neither of them has skipped a beat!

Drew has also done amazing. If I am having trouble getting her to sit in her car seat, I will say 'We're going to see Ms. Jinny' {her teacher} and that little tushy plops down. She walks off from me w/ her backpack and is so big!

They started 'summer camp' this week, and Trent told me it was 'awesome' and that he didn't like it, he loved it! Made my mama heart swell!

We do still have a developmental pediatrician appointment coming up next month, and I'm curious how that will go. Our therapist thinks Trent is doing great, but she wants to hear what the pedi thinks about that... Might mean we add OT back or a behavioral therapist, so we'll see!

First day of summer camp

{Drew looks thrilled, no? But how cute are her pink shoes?!?!}

The Latest on T

I haven't blogged about Trent's therapy in an eternity, but it's high time to do an update. I'll try to not make this super long, apologies in advance as I'll likely fail.

T today during our appointment

About 9 months ago, Brent and I were really frustrated with his 'special school' because they weren't working on the areas we felt were the problem areas. Trent was also acting up a lot more in anticipation of going. We decided it would be best to take a break for awhile. 

I don't feel like we did this in denial, but we all just needed to catch our bearings. Drew was still a baby, I was battling post-partum, and it was just all too much.

After about 5 months 'off' Trent wasn't any better or worse {not that I thought he would be}, but status quo for him isn't exactly ideal. Still lots of tantrums and out of control behavior ... and now there's a new little person in our house to protect. He is such a sweet and fun little guy. He loves to tell jokes and snuggle and read books and play. But when he loses it? He LOSES IT.

B and I were also debating a lot the right thing to do for T in numerous areas. We were still having some issues with our daycare - did we need to change schools? Would he be ready for kinder next year? {B said yes, I said no.} If we did decide to do kinder next year, where would he go - private or public? We were back to square 1 and it stunk.

Through a mom at church, I found out about programs offered by school districts for early childhood intervention and set an appointment for Trent to get evaluated through our district. If he qualified, the services would be free through our property taxes. We set an appointment for November and Trent promptly got his leg infection and spent a week in the hospital. Our appointment got rescheduled for January.

At the appointment, the therapists were pretty upfront that to qualify for treatment, Trent would essentially need to be pretty bad off. I immediately figured he wouldn't qualify and I was right. Thankfully, my kid isn't autistic or a danger to others, but it's pretty frustrating to be told there's nothing wrong and how ready my child is for kindergarten when I know these things are not true. No mom wants her child to be different, but when you know something isn't right and to be told by THERAPISTS that he's great...disappointment didn't begin to describe how I felt.

I decided to take a step back and set an appointment with our pediatrician. I put together some information about sensory processing disorder for the appointment {I don't know if I ever mentioned here before, but that's what I think T has and if you click on the link and look at the bullet point details...90% of that is T}. She decided we should see a behavioral/developmental pediatrician, and/or a psychiatrist, and/or a new OT. Brent and I discussed these options a lot and decided to start with a therapist. There are numerous delays/conditions that OT wouldn't help, and we still don't have an official diagnosis, so we didn't want to go down the OT path again just yet. We did set a developmental pediatrician appointment but due to their backlog, that appointment isn't until April.

Today was our evaluation with the therapist, Ms. Lauren. I came armed with a letter from our school Education Director about an evaluation she did with Trent, a letter from my parents about what they see from him on the days they keep him, a checklist on sensory processing disorder, and the original evaluation results we received from the first OT. Whew.

Ms. Lauren was great to talk to. She said she thinks we'll get to an official diagnosis and doesn't think it's something on the spectrum. We're going to officially start treatment next week and go from there to see what all this is going to entail.

I'm a little overwhelmed when I think we could end up in OT again in addition to therapy, and we still have to tackle his lisp. I feel like he and I are at doctor's offices non-stop. But I'm excited. For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful and optimistic. I'm tired of not knowing how to help him and losing my cool more times than I'd like to admit. I'm ready to look forward and focus as a family on how to best help our wonderful, adorable, SMART, fun, and funny little boy.

Here's to the journey...

Dr. Appt #2 of the Week

Today was another appointment for the Gurley gurls. In the last 2 weeks, we've had 4 doctor's appointments - I'm worn out! 

Today I started therapy for post-partum issues. Ugh. I'm so irritated/upset/disappointed/ frustrated/angry to be here again. Everyone in my life {and I} talk about how much better I am this time around. It's only a small consolation because I so don't want to be here again at all. 

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being anxious. I'm tired of trying to figure it all out.

I keep trying to remember we are only 7 weeks in. Drew is still a newborn, and no one snaps their fingers and adjusts to a change like this easily. It's just hard trying to figure out how to be Drew's mom and Trent's mom and Brent's wife and Allena.

So anyway...therapy. 

I would say it was a good appointment. Of course I cried a lot. And I've cried on and off all afternoon. My therapist said it was a good problem to have - to care too much about your children. So there is that. {grin} I have some homework for the next week, and she says she has an arsenal of things we can try, and she is optimistic. She said she's proud of me for seeking treatment this early, and that a lot of moms don't come in until 10 or 11 months. So there is that. {grin}

I will keep you guys posted as I go through this journey...again. Ugh.

Sleepy Head

We had good moments and bad this weekend...like every family every weekend. Naps and bedtime are especially hard for our little guy largely due to him running on 'high' all the time. {As I write this, I can hear him playing in his room when I put him to bed about an hour ago.} At one point on Saturday when I went into his room for the 5th time because he was being so loud, I found him naked with everything pulled out of his dresser. Good times.

Where he finally fell asleep. Don't you just want to snuggle with him?

Because it can take him an extremely long time to fall asleep, we are forced sometimes to wake him up otherwise bedtime is even worse. Saturday he just didn't want to wake up and came into the living room to snuggle.

He hasn't slept in my lap since he was a baby.  Both my babies are snuggling here.  This mommy almost died.

My un-snuggle bug snuggling!

Therapy Update - 2 Months

Trent has been going to occupational and speech therapy now for almost 2 months. *If you want to know more about our journey to therapy, click here.* I feel like this is a long-term journey we'll be taking with lots of peaks and valleys. 2 weeks ago I was feeling very frustrated but after a good discussion with Ms. Maggie {and maybe some tears shed by this mama}, I am feeling good again!

First, I think Trent is working with a great group of ladies. He likes them all and will tell me stories about them after his sessions. We call this place his 'special school' (maybe it's just me but I feel like therapy can have a bad connotation as he gets older, so I want to keep it positive), and he is always ready to go there. So that in itself is a huge blessing to me!

Speech - Trent sees Ms. Jamie and Ms. Julie. Ms. Julie admitted his 's' is going to be hard to tame, but she knows we'll get there. We are constantly reminding him to put his tongue in his mouth (but never making a big deal out of it). They work in his sessions a lot on looking at his mouth in the mirror and swallowing with a straw to focus on keeping his tongue behind his teeth. Speech is also where we tackle his food aversions. So far we have made progress with apples. Meaning he will eat them at home. He has also tried grapes and carrots but so far won't eat them at home. Both his therapists are impressed with how easy it is to get him to eat the food for them...too bad it isn't easy for me!  Ha!  We try peas on Friday...he used to eat those when he was much younger, so that would be a great one {I hope} to add!

OT - Trent sees Ms. Maggie and Ms. April.  OT is where more of the stress comes into play for me. We had a run of 'bad' reports from school. Lots of hitting friends. Biting Miles. Tantrums. Scratching/biting/hitting me. His therapists have identified some other areas that T needs help with (his core strength, some hand coordination). I told Ms. Maggie I wanted to stop really focusing on those things right now because it seemed like the outbursts were not really getting any better. She printed me an article called 'How Does Your Engine Run' and it was all about a person's arousal state (how you operated each day - feeling high, normal or low). Reading this article was like a light bulb going off for me.  Trent is a CLASSIC 'high'.  He wakes up energized, easily gets out of control/distracted, described as 'hyper', can have trouble with friends, very hard to go to sleep.  BINGO! Bullseye! He gets overstimulated very easily and can't process how to get himself back to normal which is why we have so many outbursts. Kristen also reminded me (having nannied for 2 children with similar needs) this isn't about discipline. He has a sensory need! Seems to simple when you say it like that. Maggie and April are putting together a sensory diet (specific activities/exercises we'll go through daily with Trent), and we've also discussed getting a weighted blanket to help him settle at night and 'chewlry' for him to chew on instead of chewing on me! It's all very preliminary and in the early stages, but I'm so excited!!

So there you have it.  It's been an interesting couple of months. I do admit that sometimes I feel down about all this. It isn't easy to hear about a 'bad' day at school. I hate that times are a little harder for him right now. I do lose my patience with him more than I'd like even though I know he can't help a lot of what his body is doing which I am really working on. But I get a nice reality check when I see other children come into the therapy center with visible problems. It hits home that my son is smart, funny, kind, loving, adventurous, and overall ADORABLE. I'm so thankful that we've been able to identify some {really in the scheme of things} minor issues that can be resolved with a little hard work from us all.  I know in the long run he will be amazing...because he already is!

Too Cute

Too cute is Trent saying his big boy bed was wonderful.

{And a semi-sneak peak of his room as it slowly comes together.}

Too cute is Trent playing on his rug with his trains and saying it was awesome.

 Too cute is Trent singing while in the bathtub:

'Brrr, it's cold in here.  There must be some Trentys in the atmosphere'.

Too cute is Trent willingly eating apples at dinnertime and once for snack.
And then eating raisins (another old 'no way' food) for my dad.
This mama wants to cry!

Too cute is this little ham with her first pigtails.

And dirty self.

And handprint on her head???

How 'Bout Them Apples?

*I wanted to sneak some apples into a recipe to see if I could get Trent to eat them and unknowingly get some fruit.  {Don't judge me, peeps.  You know we're facing this in his speech therapy.}

Chicken Apple Quesadillas
Ingredients:
-cooked, cup-up chicken
-sliced up apples (I peeled them, not sure you need to and chopped them really finely to be extra sneaky)
-grated cheese
-tortillas
I didn't put amounts because it can be as much or as little as you want.

1. Mix apples and chicken together.
2. Sprinkle a little cheese on 1/2 of a tortilla, add apple/chicken mix, sprinkle a little more cheese.
3. Fold tortilla in half to make quesadilla.
4. Cook in skillet until cheese is melted and quesadilla is crunchy.

B and I loved them.  T wouldn't try them...  I will still call it a victory because these were super easy to make and B enjoyed them - that in itself is almost a miracle!

*On Friday, for speech, I was to bring some apple.  We used apples last time and the goal was to get Trent to touch and interact with the apples.  He did!  This time, I brought some of the leftover apple from our quesadillas.  He and the therapist painted with the apples, then acted like dinosaurs and TRENT ATE 18 BITES OF APPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I almost cried when the therapist and I discussed his session.  What a big moment!

*Saturday night, I bought Snow White and the Huntsman off pay-per-view.  {Hopefully my apple reference isn't too far of a stretch with this story.}

Plot: In a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen.

Review: I would say this movie was okay.  Charlize Theron is fantastic as the Evil Queen (and I thought her creepy brother was great too).  Chris Hemsworth was also great as the Huntsman. Kristen Stewart?  Meh.  She was less twitchy than she is as Bella Swan, but overall, she's just not that interesting.  The plot was pretty good, but I'm glad this only cost me $5.

Good thing I like apples.

Randoms

• I bought Baby Gurl's bedding this weekend!  I am so excited to get started on her room.
• I just got a call from Trent's school that he needed to be picked up for his behavior today.  Please OT help us!  {On a side note, I could do a whole post about how disappointed Brent and I have been about his school this summer.  The teachers he has right now are not helping in the least in this situation.}
• Trent's BBR is painted!  I ended up mixing 2 colors from the original 4 we tested, and I LOVE it.  I think out of the 4 colors in our house, only 1 is not one I created myself.
• The sheets I wanted to order originally ended up coming back in stock, and they came in the mail Tuesday.  Love them.  We pretty much just need a mattress and can move him in.  Thinking that'll happen in the next week or two.
• To add insult to injury, at my 24 week OB appointment yesterday, I was measured for the first time and measured 27 weeks.  I have said from the get-go that I seemed bigger this pregnancy.  So I am having an ultrasound at my 28 week appointment (in addition to the fun glucose test) to see what's going on in there.  Luckily, the nurse said my weight gain was 'fine'.  Ha.
• 'Finding Nemo' comes back to theaters next weekend.  I am going to take Trent - it'll be his first movie theater experience.  I am so excited!

Therapy - Session 1

Well, session 1 is done!  I promise I won't write a recap to every session, but I will post as we progress.

Up first - OT!  T worked with Ms. Maggie today.  She was not the therapist who evaluated Trent, so she and I spent about 5 minutes hitting the high points of our areas of concern, and off she and Trent went to play in the gym. She said she wanted to do more observation with him to see which direction she wanted the therapy to take which makes perfect sense.  After 45 minutes, they were back to talk me through what she had seen.  We are going to work a lot of his self-regulation skills and we already have some homework and things to try.  
1) We bought a sensory brush.  We will use this multiple times a day to help relax/redirect him.  I have some literature to read, and I am so excited!

2) We are going to work on removing the word 'No' as much as possible when talking with him  As that is a big fit trigger, we are going to work on setting expectations (which I feel we do) but then when he asks for something outside that, for which we do need to say 'no', we'll work on using different words to explain what the expectation we set was and just focus on what we need to do.

Next hour was speech/swallowing.  We were supposed to see Ms. Megan who evaluated Trent (and he loved her), but her water broke for a baby not due until November, so our thoughts are with her!  We saw Ms. Julie instead and focused a little more on his food/swallowing issues because his speech needs are more clearly defined.  I actually sat in on this session as it was a little unexpected for Julie to be his therapist, and she hadn't reviewed his file yet.  She was extremely helpful and positive and said we're going to take this very slowly to keep his trust up in us and not make mealtime a challenge.  It may be months before we see results, but it's nice to know we're not going to be fighting over things!  We have several things to bring next week and also a homework cooking assignment (he likes sweet potato fries, but she wants us to make our own w/ coconut oil and serve twice...the second time adding carrots!!!).

Overall, I am so optimistic about what this is going to do for our family and specifically for T.  Baby Gurl isn't due for almost 4 months, so we have a good amount of time to really focus on him, and for that I am so thankful!!

Because, seriously, doesn't this kiddo deserve the best?

Therapy Begins!

It's been about a month since we had our speech evaluation.  I forgot to blog about Trent's occupational evaluation, but it was a very similar appointment with the conclusion being he could benefit from therapy.  {I have a tag at the bottom of my blog labeled 'therapy' if you want to read about some of our journey that got us here.}  After both therapists writing their reports and submitting to insurance...here we are!  

Today is Trent's FIRST DAY OF THERAPY!  He will go twice a week for 1 hour for each type of therapy (occupational and speech), so we will be here for 4 hours/week.  I {so far} could not be more impressed with the center we have chosen.  Both of the therapists Trent will be working with on a regular basis are amazing.  So kind, friendly...Trent was smitten with both which is such a relief to me.  I am also so thankful for the amazing insurance my company provides.  We will only be paying a co-pay for these services, and we can get LOTS of treatments.  Whoo-hoo!

I type this post as I sit in the waiting room.  I won't need to be here going forward, but I wanted to be here at least at his first appointment in case he (or his therapists - ha) needed me.  I'm sure he won't.

I will post an update later today with how it went!

Speech Evaluation!!

We had Trent's speech evaluation yesterday.  It was a fantastic experience!  The place we went had a neat facility, courteous/patient staff, and the person we worked with today was super helpful and great with Trent.  We were just evaluating Trent's speech today, but Ms. Megan talked through all my concerns which was so helpful.  She was wonderful with Trent.  I cannot say enough great things about her interactions with him.  He instantly warmed up to her and did everything she asked.  I think he charmed her a bit too. {grin}


Essentially for the speech evaluation, he looked at pictures and would say what was in the picture or answer questions about the picture while Ms. Megan rated his pronunciation.  She quickly assessed that his language skills would not be part of the problem.  I do have quite the talker!  When that part was over, she graded his results and said he was in the 'normal' range, however his 's' is an obvious problem.  The difficulty is that 's' is a sound that isn't typically considered mastered until 5 and combining that with his normal test scores, she worried insurance wouldn't cover treatment (as it could be considered proactive).  However, after discussing some items related to his open bite (he still has a tendency to drool some and has difficulties chewing certain food) and food aversions that may or may not be related to his bite, she thinks coupling all that together will get us covered.  Great news!


I was also able to talk to her about his impulse control/anger issues and his difficulties calming down when upset and at bedtime.  She recommended we have an occupational therapy evaluation.


After that, Ms. Megan showed us around the facility.  They have a lot of individual therapy rooms as well as 2 indoor gyms and an outdoor playground to cover numerous needs.  Trent played for awhile in one of the gyms and was not ready to leave when our time was up.  In a nutshell, Ms. Megan got to witness one of his tantrums.  As a mother, I was embarrassed (as I typically am), but given where we were, I was very happy one of the therapists could see what I meant.  Megan said I handled the situation perfectly {pats self on back and breathes sigh of relief}, but she reiterated she thinks Trent will benefit greatly from occupational therapy!!


So...long story summary?  We will begin speech/occupational therapy soon to focus on the 's' issue and the food/texture/swallowing issues, and we have our occupational evaluation set for August 15.  Insurance covers 30 visits per calendar year with just a co-pay.  I am so thankful for that!


I've received several emails/texts/phone calls offering words of encouragement, and I am so thankful to have great support from friends and family and to have so many people who love Trent and are rooting for him on this journey.  We are so excited to begin this course of treatment, and I can't wait to see where it leads!!

First Dentist Visit

In line with the fact that we start speech therapy next week, I decided to get my act in gear and get Trent in to the dentist (for the FIRST time, momfail much?).  A lifelong friend (Hi Cele!!) who is an orthodontist emailed me after I posted about going to therapy and gave me her opinion about his bite (very inline with what I said) and also gave me an AMAZING recommendation for a pediatric dentist.  The dentist agreed about his bite (calling it an 'open bite') and said the best thing at his age was the speech therapy (momwin!), so I'm really excited for next week.  AND Trent did great at the appointment!  He only cried a little at the end (which is when this pregnant mama had to get in the chair with him) - let them take the xrays and clean his teeth and look around in there.  So proud!

And seriously?  Couldn't you die from this dose of cuteness?