Asking for Help

I think one of the things that is hard for women to do is to ask for help. We constantly think we 'should' be able to handle whatever challenge we are facing. Social media doesn't help because the people we see on there are presenting a lot of times this image that they CAN handle it all {usually falsely presented as such}, so we must be failing because we can't. This is definitely something I have struggled with in my post-partum journey. I have friends who seem to transition to life with a newborn easily and don't have all the fears that seem to consume me. So one of the things I wanted to make sure and do this time around was to not be afraid to ask for help and be honest about my feelings. So what if other friends don't have this challenge or that struggle?  If I am struggling, struggling in silence doesn't hurt anyone but me!

AND I'VE BEEN DOING IT!

One of the things that was hard for me at first was taking the big kids to school. Brent and I worked to make sure I have as much done as possible the night before - clothes are picked out, lunches are made, vitamins laid out, etc. But I would wake up and instantly be anxious and it would last until way after I had dropped the big 2 off. So my mother-in-law volunteered to come and take the kids for a while. Normally I would have said no, but I knew it could help, so I said yes. So she drove 35 minutes in the opposite direction of her job to take my kids to school. And it helped release some anxiety until I felt I could handle it better. And now we're doing mostly good in the morning and I have minimal anxiety getting everyone ready!

Then we've had several bouts of sickness {terrible timing to have a newborn!}, and I was freaking out that Paige would get sick. So I called my mom and asked if some of us could come spend the night to try and keep Paige well. And of course she said yes. At first I felt guilty abandoning Drew when normally I would take care of her. And then I felt guilty for burdening my mom. {But she is quick to remind me it's her job to take care of me. And yes, I know I am so blessed by these 2 women.} And being able to ask her for that help and go over there while Drew's fever broke relieved a lot of stress and anxiety.

Those are just 2 examples of when I've reached out for help. But truly both of those situations made such a difference for me and my emotional state. I write this post to be candid about my journey but also to be raw and hope that if anyone is out there struggling a little, they won't feel so bad asking for or accepting help. There are so many people who are willing to help, and I am finally not afraid to ask for it!

Life Lately - January

Just a random assortment of pictures from January. You can guess that they largely revolve around Paige!

Trent and Paige look super comfortable, no?

Is it weird if I hope she sucks her thumb? Would make life a lot easier!

Tomato cheeks

Hanging with The Grinch

Celebrating my first trip to the park with all 3 solo!

Drew is such a good big sister - she is always ALWAYS wanting to be with Paige.

Elsa hat!

Not a 'real' smile from Paige but still super cute

Maybe the 3rd bath won't be so terrible?

Nope.

Daddy and Drew wrestling time

Pops and Paige {LOVE}

Babysitting at its finest - 

This is when Trent, Paige, and I left our house and spent the night at my parents to avoid catching Drew's cold. Except now everyone in our family except Trent has had it.

Sometimes swaddling is the only thing to keep her sh*t together.

Or 'shushing' in the Ergo for LONG stretches of time.

Sometimes I can't get over how big he is.

And then I see that his pj shirt is on backwards.

More Pops love - my dad loves babies!

And Pops loves Drew too!

A tired/getting over a cold/no make-up/dirty hair me and my babies

Enjoying her make-up a little too much

Best big brother

And that's a little peak into what's been happening here lately!

Grow Baby Grow {Drew} - 4 Years!

Lots of stat posts this month. Come back tomorrow if this stuff bores you, but you know this CPA loves me some stats about my kiddos. {grin}

We had Drew's well check on 1/26, so here's how our little peanut is stacking up:

Height: 40" {38%}
Weight: 28 pounds {5%}
Clothes: 3T for shirts, 2T for dresses and leggings
Shoe size: 9

We have such a spirited daughter! She has grown so much in the last year but her personality has stayed pretty much the same - sweet AND sassy!

Drew is now fully potty trained and that is awesome. We do get her up once in the night before we go to bed, but it's nice to just have 1 in any sort of diapers!

She is still a great eater! Loves fruits and vegetables {especially stuff fresh out of Pops' garden} which I LOVE. She also loves sugar a little too much {like her mama}, but we just limit what she gets!

Her favorite colors are pink and purple. She loves everything girly - princesses, My Little Pony, ballerinas - but she also loves to get dirty and be rough with her daddy and brother. 

She still loves to snuggle and cuddle and be held. She's taken well to the change to where she can't be held by me nearly as much, but she's also eating up the extra attention she's getting from her daddy.

Drew still loves her bubba, but he gets annoyed with her quite often. She has a little circle of friends at school that she constantly talks about.

Drew loves to read. She likes puzzles okay and enjoys board games. We played Candyland a LOT this year. She got her first 2 Lego sets and thought she was big stuff to have sets like Trent.

Bedtime/staying in bed can sometimes be a challenge. Brent has gotten her to stay in her room better at bedtime just in the last few weeks, but before that it was at times rough. She still ends up coming in our room here and there in the middle of the night, but we're working on that {BRIBERY}.

She is a pretty good listener and minds MOST of the time. She wants to please Brent and me, but sometimes those little kid hormones take over and she can pitch a fit when she wants to. Definitely nothing like her brother could though!

I am so proud of how she did with swim lessons this summer. She was super scared the first day and then killed it. She was SO NERVOUS every day, but she just jumped in and swam. Love how brave she was! And now she's a little fish.

In the last month, Drew has stopped napping. It has made for some interesting evenings some days, but if she naps she's awake SUPER late driving us all crazy! Ha!

She is still very particular about her clothes, but we don't fight about them nearly as much. I learned how to make it easy on everyone - I take her shopping with me! That way she can pick what she likes from the get go and everyone is happy. We retired her beloved onesies! She still wears a shirt, leggings, and skirt most days. She loves to have her hair down with a headband.

She loves playing with her cousins and is constantly asking to see them. She also remembers that her aunt said she could spend the night when she was 4... She is eager for that sleepover!

She's finally forward facing in the car! But of course is already asking about a booster - she is always saying 'When I'm 7, can I ...' trying to grow up on me. Not so fast, little lady!

She loves being a big sister. She constantly wants to be holding Paige, touching Paige, helping me with Paige, talking to Paige. It is the sweetest. She is such a little nurturer.

Drew Kathleen is a great middle child. She loves her big brother and is so excited to be a big sister. She gives the best hugs and loves her tribe something fierce. And trust me when I say her tribe loves her back something fierce. I can't wait to see what is in store for this girl - she deserves the moon and more.

1 Month Comparisons

I thought it would be fun {for me at least} to compare my kiddos every month. You guys know I love me some baby stats, so really this should come as no surprise!

Trent: 11 pounds, 3 ounces - gained 2 pounds, 10 ounces from birth - crazy!
Drew: 10 pounds, 3 ounces - gained 1 pound, 3 ounces from birth
Paige: ~11 1/2 pounds {I love that insurance gets to decide there isn't a need for a 1 month well check} - gained ~ 1 1/2 pounds from birth

Kind of interesting how much Trent gained compared to the girls! Next month we can compare length too after Paige has a well check! {grin}

Grow Baby Grow {Paige} - 1 Month!

Little Miss Paige - as of Saturday, you are a month old! I can't believe it. Part of me can't believe it and part of me feels like you've been in our family forever. We couldn't love you more!

Stats:
Weight: about 11.5 pounds, taken on our home scale {99%}
Diaper size: size 1, haven't done cloth yet
Clothes: size 0-3 months

I would say Paige is the kid in between her brother and sister's temperament. She isn't as chill as Trent was as a baby, but she isn't as bad as her sister. She has an evening fussy period right before bed where nothing really consoles her. Brent and I just pass her back and forth trying to make her happy.

Her umbilical cord stump fell off at 9 days.

She LOVES the rain sound on my app and her sound machine. That can definitely settle her down. She also uses a pacifier. The first week or so she didn't seem to need to suck, and we tried it one night during her 'witching hour' and it worked. She isn't obsessed with it, but it definitely can help to settle her down.

During the day Paige has about 3 wakeful periods and spends the rest of the day sleeping - either on me or on our ottoman. She is sleeping in the rock 'n play in our closet at night swaddled. We tried 4 different swaddles before settling on one that seems to work best. She ended her first month waking up once a night. Yes, once a night! She goes down about 10:00 {and I have to work hard to get her asleep and staying asleep} and then goes until typically 4:00 or 5:00. HEAVEN.

She also got her first cold thanks to her sister. But it didn't seem to phase her too much past a yucky nose and some sneezing.

She loves the Ergo and spends at least 1 nap in there a day - typically in the late afternoon/early evening when we are dealing with the evening craziness with the big kids.

Paige has had 3 baths and has bawled during all of them.

We need to try a bottle soon...but I think she'll take since she likes the pacifier.

She started smiling last week! That is just the best.

Nicknames: Smooch/Smoochie, Lovebug, Little Love 

DiTL: January 20, 2017

Since I am on maternity leave, most of my days involve holding a baby and watching TV which I didn't think would be too fun to document. {grin} So I picked a day where I wasn't sitting on the couch all day!

**********Friday, January 20, 2017**********

Brent and Allena are 36.

Trent is 7.5.

Drew is 4.

Paige {so fun that she is finally here!} is 1 day shy of 1 month.

Paige has been doing so good sleeping this week. Since Sunday she has gotten up only once a night - she goes down about 10:00 and sleeps until between 4:00 and 6:00. I try to get in bed as quickly as I can after she goes down to maximize a long stretch of sleep. So on Thursday night, she was down at 10:05, and I was in bed at 10:30.

3:00 AM - I roll over just as Brent is getting into bed. I wonder if he fell asleep on the couch for a while or watched TV that long. As I was getting into bed, he was starting Part 3 of Lonesome Dove which is one of our FAVORITE movies, so my guess is option 2. {Spoiler alert-he tells me later it was option 2!}

5:30 AM - Paige cries, so I go to nurse her. She is sleeping in our closet {which is a large room - original floor plan had it as the office, so don't worry that she's crammed somewhere!}, so it's easy to get to her quickly. She is a super twitchy baby, so it takes me a few tries to get her to stay asleep once I attempt to put her back in the rock 'n play. She nurses in probably 15 minutes and I spend another 30+ working on keeping her asleep. It takes me 2 tries. I also take my post-partum supplements while I'm up.

6:30 AM - Back in bed! Brent is taking the kids to school today, so I stay in bed until 7:00. I know I won't sleep, but it's nice to  just lay there.

6:40 AM - Drew comes into our room. We're working on her staying in her room in the night instead of coming into our room at all hours, but I can totally live with 6:40. She gets in bed, and we snuggle. We haven't done this since before Paige was born, and we used to do it all the time, so I think it was good for both of us. She asks if she can have her squirty fruits {in a few minutes} and asks about school. She's happy when she finds out it's Friday!

7:00 AM - Alarm goes off. Time to make the doughnuts! Drew is ready for her squirty fruits! I get T's breakfast {deer sausage} warmed up, put lunches into their bags {I have been so good about making them the night before}, get Drew dressed.

7:15 AM - Wake up  Trent. Have to go in a few times to really get him up. Give him his MTHFR meds. He tells me he's sick of deer sausage and asks to eat dry cheerios. I give in because hey, it's Friday! He also eats a squirty fruit. While both kids are at the kitchen counter, I brush hair and lay out their tooth brushes.

My breakfast! A breakfast casserole I made pre-Paige and froze. Yum!

7:30 AM - Wake Brent up. Take my liquid vitamins.

7:45 AM - Paige is up. It might be because her siblings wanted to be near her. And they aren't exactly quiet! 

Hey double chin!

7:55 AM - Brent leaves with the big kids, Paige nurses, I change her diaper and get her dressed for the day.

8:10 AM - I straighten my hair for the first time in 3 weeks. Lately I wash it every few days and blowdry it and that's it. I think it is long enough to continue my tradition of donating my hair post-baby to Locks of Love, and I am ready to cut it! Paige nurses a little more.

8:30 AM - Brent is home, and I get dressed. He's not working today because he has a slight bronchial infection {Drew was sick last week and passed a cold to him and Paige}, so his boss said to stay home until Monday.

Ready to go!

Telling Daddy bye! She totally has him wrapped. {grin}

8:50 AM - I leave with Paige to head to Brent's parents' house. His mom and I have a standing Friday date while I'm on maternity leave. Paige doesn't make a peep and falls asleep on the way. I listen to the Bobby Bones Show.

9:25 AM - Get to the in-laws' house. Paige wakes up as I carry her carseat into the house. My father-in-law, Harold, is talking to some workers who are re-roofing their covered patio before they list their house to move closer to us! We visit after he comes back inside. My mother-in-law, Janet, is at the doctor with her mother. Paige gets the hiccups! I make a cup of cranberry tea while Harold is holding Paige. Yum!

9:50 AM - Nurse Paige. Talk with the bestie who is upset - she is 31 weeks pregnant and has been having contractions and had a test come back positive that could indicate labor could start within the next 2 weeks.

10:15 AM - Get Paige asleep and Harold has the inauguration on. We spend a lot of time talking about different facts about different Presidents, and I use Wikipedia to look up/confirm information. Ha! Text and talk more with Kristen about her lab results.

10:45 AM - Janet and Nannie arrive. We visit. Passing Paige off wakes her up. The  2 grandmas coo to her. I give Nannie her Christmas present, since this is the first time we've seen her.

11:55 AM - Nurse Paige. Janet goes to take her mother home and promises to come back with chais! Paige goes back to sleep. Text with Brent - he is a little miffed at me because the garage is a mess, and it's my junk. Sorry honey!

12:25 PM - Catch up on blog reading. Harold has turned the TV to Impractical Jokers. GUY HUMOR!

12:45 PM - Janet is back with chais. She takes Paige, and I eat. Leftover chicken friend steak, mashed potatoes, and gravy - yum! There's also a gingerbread spice cake that I eat a piece of. I love my breastfeeding diet! Paige is sleeping, we watch the Food Network and chat. Janet also gives me a present from Nannie for Paige - a blanket she sewed herself {LOVE} that she had her name embroidered on and a recorded Christmas book - the big kids have ones too and love them.

Love this so much.

2:00 PM - School calls - T needs to be picked up immediately. Womp, womp. I call Brent who doesn't answer, so I text him. He returns the text a little bit later, he was in the shower and is heading up to get Trent.

2:25 PM - More texting with Brent about what happened with Trent. He didn't want to pull Drew off the playground early, so he and T sit in the car to talk about his actions and how he could have handled himself better. It has definitely been 1 step forward, 2 steps back since coming back from the holidays.

2:30 PM - Email comes in from Stitch Fix to set up an interview! I applied right before Paige was born, I want to do this while on leave to bring in some extra money. Text my friend Kelly who also got an email to interview with them. Also email a friend who works there and my cousin's wife who is in management there. Plan for my mother-in-law to watch Paige {I am already nervous about being away from her!} and text my mom about getting the big kids from school. Also, what will I wear since I still have quite a bit of weight to lose, eek!

3:15 PM - Nurse Paige. She goes back to sleep. Janet and I are in her room {Brent's room growing up} where she sews and watches TV, so we can talk without bothering Harold. We talk a lot about house stuff as they are getting really close to listing theirs and have been looking for awhile online. My bestie is their realtor!

5:20 PM - Nurse Paige. Change a poopy diaper. More talking. Show Janet Paige's newborn pictures. She loves them, of course!

6:30 PM - Head home with a care package of treats - cake and chocolate rice krispies! There's a little bit of traffic, and Paige fusses a little, but she takes the paci and konks out. I listen to the Bobby Bones Show again.

7:05 PM - Get home! Both kids are on their Kindles. Trent had to do a lot of chores to get to watch his. Brent gets in the shower {for the 3rd time - cedar is killing him this winter}.

7:15 PM - Nurse Paige.

7:25 PM - Make a fajita - Brent grilled chicken! Nurse Paige a little more because she is fussy.

7:30 PM - Remember I need to take my PPA supplements {forgot to take my mid-day dose because I didn't take them to the in-laws}. Also take Trent's MTHFR meds to him. Paige is still fussy, so I get the Ergo, but when I lay her down on the ottoman, she calms down, so Drew entertains her. Both Trent and Drew want a cheese stick, and Drew wants Paige in her cow chair to talk to her.

This tube of wrapping paper has been Drew's sword for weeks. Hilarious.

7:50 PM - Brent walks Drew to bed.

7:55 PM - Paige starts crying. The witching hour begins! Get her in the Ergo with her pacifier, and she konks out. Hallelujah! However then I wonder when will be her bedtime - the newborn phase is tough for many reasons, but the unpredictability of bedtime is one of the hardest.

8:00 PM - Since Paige is asleep, I decide to get on my laptop. Trent wants an apple, so I cut him one. I unpack the kids' lunchboxes and have to have a talk with Drew about not eating her fruits and veggies when I told her she had to eat them since I put a sandwich in her lunch {which I never do}. She tells me she got in trouble at lunch, but I never know if her stories are true. Tell her she will be eating them in the morning! Put lunchboxes in the freezer and our treats from Janet in the fridge.

Don't you love that background picture?

8:30 PM - Start working on this post.

8:45 PM - Trent asks me to read to him, but he gets pissy when I tell him I can't get on the bed with him since Paige is in the Ergo. So over his attitude when he doesn't get 100% what he wants. Brent talks to him too.

9:00 PM - Wake Paige up in the hopes that I can get her back down by 10:00 PM. Within minutes she is wailing and hates life. Brent holds her while I get ready for bed, and then I put her in her pjs {an ugly onesie and socks} and swaddle her.

9:15 PM - In the closet with her nursing. Takes 2 tries to get her down.

9:55 PM - Success! Brent texted me 2 options for some shelving for the laundry room, so we chat about that.

10:00 PM - Decide to pump. I am only pumping every few days. After literally donating thousands of ounces of milk with Trent and Drew, I am taking a new approach this time and not stockpiling the fridge. Paige will be 8 months before she goes to daycare, so I don't think I'll need much in the freezer. Hopefully it doesn't backfire and my supply dry up somehow. Eat some Reese's and have some wine. Look at my E! News app.

10:15 PM - Take Drew to potty. Email PPA doc - I have some questions that I want her opinion on. First, I feel good. Not great but good - which given we are 1 month into this, I think is pretty great. So I'm curious if there is a point where I can say postpartum likely won't set in? It would feel really good to not be living in fear that PPA is coming...

10:30 PM - Get into bed and look at Instagram. Contemplate reading but am too tired.

10:48 PM - Lights out! This is a late night for me - I hope Paige treats me well in the night!

Paige sleeps until 5:45! Took until 6:30 to get her down and when I get back in bed Drew is there. Trent comes in about 7:15 and our Saturday is off and running! And with that, another DiTL day comes to an end. Until April...