One Year Ago...

It's crazy that today is one year from when I was due with Paige. December 8 was carved in my brain for such a long time I don't think the day will ever stop being special to me. It's also crazy to think I stayed pregnant for another 13 days and had to have almost every intervention under the sun to get that baby out of me. Ha!

Happy 1 year anniversary angry stretch-marked belly!!

6 Week Postpartum Check-up

I had my 6 week postpartum checkup yesterday. Long story short, I am doing great! But I wanted to document a few things about my appointment.

First, physically my doctor said I am totally good. I was confident I was, but it's always nice to have an exam and get the same feedback. Paige's labor might have been the longest, but her delivery was the quickest, so I guess this is the upside!

Second, I wanted to talk to her about my emotional state. I filled out a survey when I got there related to postpartum, and my answers seemed to line up with being good. And I feel good. Not great but good, so I felt pretty good that she was going to have good thoughts for me too. Basically what I wanted to know was what her opinion was on my likelihood of postpartum anxiety developing. I know it can happen any time during the first year, BUT my history with Trent and Drew was it starting pretty quickly. With Trent, I was taking Zoloft by 5 weeks, and with Drew, by 6 weeks I was contacting a psychologist. So it seems like if I feel good with Paige and my history is it coming on early, then maybe I am not going to develop it this time? And Dr. Campaigne agreed! She said she didn't want me to think that my expectation was that it wouldn't happen in case it does come on, but she said she thinks I look and sound good. We also talked about the difference between 'coping' and 'winning' at life. Right now I don't think I'm 'winning' at life, but life is definitely not 'winning' over me. It is more like I'm 'coping' with it. And she said up until recently she was in the same boat {she has a 2 year old and a 4 month old} and now she feels like she's 'winning'. Ha. It was a great analogy and goes along with me feeling good but not great. But given my history, I think that in itself is great! Did any of that make sense??

And third, everyone thought Paige was adorable. #duh

Paige's Birth Story in Pictures

I love having these pictures documenting the day we became a family of 5. I am not putting any of the more graphic/intimate pictures up {you're welcome}, but to me, ALL of these are priceless!

Photos by Linz Photography

Paige's Birth Story - Part 2

Where I left off, I had pretty much thrown my birth plan out the window and had asked for an epidural. Dr. Campaigne and Ashley {the nurse} told me I had to have 2 bags of fluid before I could get the epidural, but I would get it as soon as possible, so Ashley began the fluids, and I began the longest 50 minutes of my life, ha.

At 2:30 PM, I asked Ashley how long she thought it would be, and she said she guessed a half hour. I knew she really didn't have a clear idea, but I needed something I could focus on. Brent continued to hold my hands, rub my back, be still when I needed to lean and just helped me keep myself together. Ashley and another nurse took turns encouraging me and telling me how good I was doing.

Finally, at 2:55 I had all my fluids, and Ashley let anesthesia know I was ready. She told me if they weren't there in 10 minutes, she'd call again. I asked if we could make it 5. {grin} The epidural man walked in just after 3:00 and started getting ready. I had another contraction and then he started doing his job. He said the next contraction would feel the same, the one after that should be better, and the one after that I shouldn't feel at all. And he was right on the money! Within 10 minutes I felt so much better. We found a good position for me to start out in and just let nature and science do their jobs. I was feeling a lot of pressure/discomfort in my bottom, so Ashley got me the button for the epidural and I was able to give myself a few extra 'nudges'. 

Time is a little hazy in here. I dozed on and off, changed positions a few times to even out the epidural, chatted with Brent and Lindsey {who also napped}. I know for most of everything Smoochie's heart rate was great and tolerated everything from that day really well. A few times there were some funny blips on the monitor but overall I couldn't have asked for better - that was my big concern with all the interventions since Trent didn't handle them well! Dr. Campaigne checked me 2 more times between the epidural and 8:00, and I went to a 6 and 90% effaced to an 8 and 100% effaced {I think this check was about 6:00 or 6:15}. The very first check after the epidural, Dr. C commented on how much better everything felt which was great to hear! At one point, we did turn the Pitocin back on because my contractions weren't as consistent anymore {the Pitocin had been off for probably 6 hours}.

I knew Ashley's shift was over at 7:00, and I was bummed she wouldn't be there to take us to the finish line, but I was glad when I found out Dr. C was on duty that night too. I obviously love Liane {who delivered Drew}, but Dr. C knew the details of the day, so I was glad she'd be there until the end.

My parents had kept Trent and Drew at their house all day, but the plan was for them to spend the night with Brent's parents and my mom to stay in the hospital with me, so my mom got to the hospital about 8:00 after taking the kids to Brent's parents. Within 5 minutes of her getting there, Dr. C was back to check me and said I was ready to push! Yay! She and Melissa {the new nurse who was also great} got everything set-up and we were ready to rock by 8:10.

I pushed through 3 contractions and half of Smoochie's head was out. I was ready to power through and keep pushing but Dr. C made me wait. OMG. That was so intense! I had to moan and breathe deep because I wanted to push SO BAD. On the next contraction, out came a wiggly baby, and Dr. C held Smoochie up, so I could be the first to see {and say} 'It's a girl!' Dr. C is so sweet and actually asked how we wanted it announced - love her.

Smoochie the Moose was here and earned every bit of her nickname and reputation since she weighed 1 ounce shy of 10 pounds! She was covered in meconium and the neonatal team was nervous and wanted her right away, so we had to clamp her cord a little earlier than I liked {although Dr. C went as slowly as possible and told me 'She's fine.' ha}, and her Apgar scores were 8 and 9! The nursing team got her cleaned off and we were able to pretty quickly do skin-to-skin.

Can't get enough of these cheeks!

She was born at 8:19 PM so after being my longest labor and biggest baby, I pushed her out the fastest! Dr. C said I had a big and healthy placenta {which excited me for the number of pills that would net me}.

Brent headed home about 9:30 or so and Mom and I got moved over to the postpartum wing about midnight. 

And that is Paige's debut story! While I didn't end up having a repeat natural birth, Paige's story is definitely her own, and I'm so thrilled she made it here safe and sound. I am honestly a little sad I didn't have the birth I planned, but I know I did what was needed and really the only thing I truly cared about was a safe delivery, and we definitely got that!

I'll post some of the amazing birth photos Lindsey took soon too - totally an amazing thing to have!

Happy birthday, Paige!

Paige's Birth Story - Part 1

**I blogged about a month ago my goals for delivering Smoochie. Let me just start her birth story by saying nothing went according to plan, but we still have a great story for welcoming our family caboose.**

Smoochie's birth was my longest labor, she was our biggest and latest baby. It's so interesting how that worked out - NO ONE expected our day to go the way it did!

So where I left off...I had seen midwife Lisa on Monday, found out I still had a lot of fluid and a large baby, was barely dilated/effaced {2 cm, 50%}, and had my membranes swept. I would go in Wednesday afternoon for a balloon catheter to hopefully help me dilate and efface some more and then Thursday morning, we'd go to the hospital to begin an induction. 

After my sweep, I started cramping and was sore the rest of the day. But nothing was really happening. Tuesday brought more of the same, and by that point, I was just ready for Wednesday to get things going. BUT...Tuesday afternoon, I noticed my mucus plug started coming out. I had read that for 'experienced' moms, this coming out usually meant things were going to begin in the next few hours, and that made me start to get excited.

I went to bed Tuesday night and about 11:45 PM I started having contractions - like so many other nights. I was trying not to get too excited but that combined with the loss of my mucus plug made me think this could be it. I made sure to change positions - yup contractions stuck around - and get up - check check. I started timing contractions and told Brent about 1:15 AM Wednesday morning. They were consistently 3-5 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute or more. They weren't painful, but it was picking up and no matter what I did they stayed. Previously I would have them in bed for an hour but if I went and sat on the couch or walked around, they would stop.

At 2:00 AM, I called the OB. Dr. Campaigne was on call and we agreed I should call my parents and head to the hospital but didn't need to rush. I waited until 2:30 to call my parents because I really wanted to make sure I felt good about what was happening. I think that annoyed Brent a little {like 'are we going or not?'}. I got ready {hey, if I've got the chance why not fix my hair and put on makeup?}, and my parents got to our house about 3:15. I had also called Lindsey, our photographer, and she was going to head to the hospital when we left. 

Last views of Smoochie on the inside!

We got on the road about 3:30 and 10 minutes into the drive I realized I didn't have my wallet {hello insurance card and ID} but was hoping since I had pre-registered, I'd be okay. I had a copy of our insurance card on my phone and woke my mom up {sorry again, Mom!} to take a pic of my ID.

We arrived at the hospital about 4:00 AM. Contractions were still consistent and a little stronger. I knew I was in early labor which only lasted about 2 hours for Drew, and it had already been 4 with Smoochie, so I was really curious what was going on.

Lindsey was already at the hospital and walked in with us as we got up to L&D and got into a room. The nurse asked a bunch of questions, got my IV started, and let me know that Dr. Campaigne was sleeping somewhere in the hospital and would come by when she woke up. I did find out that my previous Group B Strep test was invalid {I had taken at 36 weeks and they are only good for 5 weeks}, so I had to repeat that. I also noticed that the whole time I was talking to the nurse my contractions had spaced out some which was a little upsetting. The nurse told me that since I was 41 weeks, 6 days I got some priority and could choose to stay even if I wasn't dilated very much where they would normally sent someone else home. I told her 'I am not going home without a baby.' It also helped that I was set for an induction in 27 hours! Since it was going to be a while before Dr. Campaigne came down, Brent decided to catch some zzzzz's and Lindsey went on a walk with me around the floor. I told her I really thought because I had SO much fluid, it was really going to take my water breaking to get things going, so I was hoping Dr. C wouldn't take forever to come check me so we could get a plan going.

 Ready for action!

Our morning stayed pretty much consistent - contractions stuck around and I was monitored 20 minutes of every hour while we waited on Dr. C. Brent napped on and off, Lindsey and I chatted and watched TV {I caught the end of 1 Law & Order: SVU episode and then we left it on HGTV the rest of the day}. A new nurse came on shift at 7:00, Ashley, and I LOVED her. 

Dr. C came down about 8:15, and she agreed with my thoughts about my water - labor was never going to progress because Smooch had too much water and couldn't really descend. She checked me, and I was 2-3 cms and 75% effaced - better than Monday's appointment but still not what I wanted! She knew my labor goals, but both she and Brent reminded me that this was already a different labor than Drew's and I probably needed to be flexible given I was going to need interventions to really get things going. Dr. C is extremely supportive of natural labor, but I swear she also has a 6th sense about what is happening and what a laboring mom needs to hear. Then Ashley let her know I had tested positive for GBS with the test I took that morning. Womp, womp - this put a major change into our plans as we were seriously ready to break my water but now needed to get antibiotics in my system. So this led to another intervention...what we decided to do was give me a bag of penicillin and then turn on Pitocin. My contractions just weren't progressing on their own, and we really needed to get them stronger. Penicillin got started about 8:30 AM and our plan was to break my water at 11:30 AM before I got the second bag of penicillin, and I could start Pitocin {on the lowest dose, 1} whenever I wanted. Brent and I decided on 9:30, so I could have it for 2 hours {maybe ramping it up a little if necessary} before my water broke.

I was able to walk the halls a little more with the penicillin, but once we started the Pitocin, I had to stay in the room. I could be monitored with a portable monitor but no more walking the halls. Contractions definitely started picking up but were still not bad. We took Pitocin up to a 2 {milliunits/minute}. Dr. C came back about 11:00 and asked if I was ready to break my water - YES! I wanted to turn the Pitocin off to see if we'd gotten enough in my system to keep the contractions going once my water was broken and Dr. C agreed. She and Ashley put double pads under me because everyone was expecting a gusher. I was now 3-4 cms dilated and 80% effaced. There was definitely SO much water, and there was meconium in it, which I expected given how past due I was. Dr. C sat me up to talk about our next steps and all of the sudden another flood of water came out and pooled at my feet. It was so funny because Dr. C and Ashley were so proud of keeping the water to the 2 pads - um, nope!

I noticed pretty quickly that contractions were picking up and getting painful. We started the second bag of penicillin about 12:00. The next 2 hours I experienced really strong contractions every 3 minutes lasting a minute or more. I felt these hurt as bad as when we left for the hospital with Drew {and remember I was an 8 when I got to the hospital}. I was having to lean on Brent, moan, visualize, take deep breaths, everything with these contractions. I felt nauseous and was shaking through them and just hoped good things were happening - it really seemed like I was going through transition which would be really consistent with Drew's labor. Ashley even started getting everything set up for delivery!

When Dr. C came back a little after 2:00 {3 hours after she broke my water} and checked me, she told me 'I don't believe in good news or bad news, there is just news. But this is not the news you want. You are still 3-4 cms and 80% effaced.' She said based on the way my cervix felt, she wouldn't even say I was in active labor yet. WHAT???

I knew then I was done. I had been up for over 24 hours, had been having contractions for 14 hours {Trent's total labor had been under 12 hours and Drew's 5.5 hours} and was nowhere near where I needed to be. Dr. C started to be very diplomatic reminding me that every labor was different and no one expected this one to take so long, and I looked at her and said 'I want an epidural.' I knew we still had a long way to go, and the only way I could have continued naturally was if I was in transition or further. Did I feel a little bit like a failure? Yeah maybe a little. Was I sad I 'couldn't do it'? Yes - I definitely felt weaker than I wanted to. But I also knew I was barely holding it together and still had so much more ahead of me. I know this was also what Dr. C and Brent thought were best. And with that the hour long wait for the epidural began...

Part 2 coming soon...I am too wordy!

Welcoming...

Brent and I proudly introduce...our daughter {squeee!}, 

Paige Noelle

December 21, 2016 at 8:19PM

9 pounds, 15 ounces {yes, 1 ounce shy of 10 pounds} and 21.5"

It's the Final Countdown!

I'M.STILL.PREGNANT. 41 weeks, 6 days. So what does that mean?

It means I'm getting induced Thursday morning...unless Smoochie decides to come out in the next 24 hours [pause for laughter]. While I'm not excited about being induced, I am beyond ready to get this baby onto the outside!

I had an appointment Monday to repeat the nonstress test and check on my fluid levels and just make sure Smoochie was still doing good. Of course Smoochie is great. The midwife, Lisa, called Smoochie a 'moose'. Good times! My fluid is still A LOT - Lisa said 25 cm is too much, and I have 22 cm. So 'high normal'. I also had a cervical check and asked Lisa to sweep my membranes. I was dilated to 2 cm and 50% effaced. I mean seriously? That's it? But I guess better than nothing? Sigh. I normally wouldn't ask for a membrane sweep, but I'd rather do that than Pitocin!

The plan is I go into my OB Wednesday afternoon for a balloon catheter which will help to open my cervix. Midwife Liane is who's up for that and is the deliverer of the day on Thursday - she's who delivered Drew, so I'm excited about that! A balloon catheter is sometimes enough to start labor but will also hopefully make things more favorable for Pitocin. Then we will go into the hospital Thursday morning to start Pitocin and go from there.

My ultimate goal is still the same - I want to do this as natural as possible, so even if I have Pitocin I do not want an epidural. Will I be upset if I get an epidural? I don't think so. An induction is definitely not my preferred plan, but we are at the point where the integrity of my placenta and safety for Smoochie starts to be questioned, so it's time to come out!

Hopefully soon there will be a picture of a cutie patootie baby {who will likely be a giant - I told my sister she might have to buy a new going home outfit, ha} and the name battle can begin!

Catch you on the flip side, internet friends! 

Baby Smoochie: 41 Weeks

Well, I'm officially the most pregnant I've ever been. Ask me if I'm happy about that. {grin} I really thought Thursday was going to be THE DAY. I woke up a little before 6:00 with contractions that kept coming every 3-5 minutes for over 3 hours. My parents came and took the kids to school and Brent stayed home from work. I called my OB and given how fast Drew's labor progressed, they had me come in. Well, let's just say that was a bust of an appointment. Still only about 1 cm dilated and contractions died out. I did have an ultrasound to check a few things - to quote my doc 'You have a lot of amniotic fluid AND a big baby.' She said it'll be quite impressive when my water breaks. So that's something to look forward to. I also had a 30 minute non-stress test that showed Smoochie is doing exactly what he/she is supposed to be doing inside. I go back Monday to repeat all these tests...but let's all hope and pray I don't make it to Monday!

How far along: 41 weeks

Weight gain: We don't need to discuss anything past 40 weeks, right?

Gender: I am seriously so ready to know. I was tempted to ask the doc during the ultrasound - and Brent even joked about trying to get a peak. But she was just checking certain things, so it wasn't really a 'and there's the baby's face' kind of ultrasound.

Pic taken on the way out the door...when I thought I'd be having a baby.

Maternity clothes: Unless it is a dress, it isn't comfortable. Putting on pants of any sort is so uncomfortable!

Movement: Yes! And a lot of it is so painful!

Sleep: I have my set-up down but whether I actually fall asleep easily or not is a different matter. I apparently snore a ton, so B slept on the couch Wednesday night. We both got good sleep which would have been much appreciated if I'd ACTUALLY HAD A BABY THURSDAY.

Symptoms: I am having so many contractions but obviously not enough to do anything. Grrrrrr...

Cravings: I'm not really craving anything specific but am just eating my feelings.

What I miss: Not having every waking thought being consumed with WHEN WILL THIS BABY COME???

The fun non-stress test!

Best moment of the week: I got a prenatal massage earlier in the week that was amazing {except the pressure point stuff he did to stimulate labor...hahahaha}.

Worst moment of the week: Hearing my doc say I still wasn't dilated. She did say it's really common in 2nd and 3rd pregnancies to have a lot of these starts and stops.

Other random stuff: I am really glad Allison and I got to see La La Land! It's also nice that NO MATTER WHAT this weekend will FOR SURE be our last weekend as a family of 4!