Twas the Night Day Before...

...not Christmas...but the day before my baby turns ONE. SOB.

I have all the feels right now. Parenthood is so bittersweet, am I right?

I'm so in awe of watching her turn into a little person. She is walking and communicating with us and is the star of the show. I love her more every day and parts of me can't believe she's only been with us 364 days.

I'm so excited to see who she becomes.

But I'm also a little sad knowing the baby days are fading away and will be no more. She is done crawling, she is done with bottles, she is done with being a baby! She has learned she has an opinion and can throw herself on the floor and kick her little feet in the cutest way, but I know soon it won't be cute and will likely happen in the aisles of Target far too soon.

The difference between Wednesday and Thursday is only 1 tiny day out of the thousands and thousands I pray for her, and Paige will age the same amount she's aged every other day of her life, but it's the day Paige goes from being 11 months old to being 1 year old. We'll still nurse and snuggle at bedtime tonight, she'll still hold my hand, she'll still be MY baby, but when she wakes up on Thursday morning, that tiny shift will mean she won't be A baby.

I look at Trent and Drew and know how quickly the years will continue to pass by. I know there is so much fun in our future. But I also know we're crossing an invisible barrier, and we won't ever go back. That silly cliche is so true and is heavy on my heart: The days are long, but the years are short.

Thursday, we will play and laugh and cuddle and sing and be silly and read and make messes and be together all day. She will be joy personified. She will be worth every sleepless night and every Zoloft pill I had to take. She will be worth every tear and moment of anxiety. She will be worth the 3 years of arguing I did with her daddy to get her here. She will worth the 45 pounds and added stretch marks, the birth plan that got thrown out the window, the post-partum body that doesn't seem to want to go away. She is one of the 3 best things I've ever done.

I can't wait to celebrate this little life tomorrow that I know is going to do big things. But I'm also going to hold her a little tighter tonight and snuggle a little longer. It's my last time to snuggle a baby after all!

Happy almost birthday, Paige. You are beyond loved and the joy in my heart.