Currently: I'm Medicated

Current Book

My 7th Susanna Kearsley book! Just started it this weekend.

Current Song

Better Man - Little Big Town

I love this song and think it's neat that Taylor Swift wrote it!

Current TV Show

I really loved this book, so I'm excited to see how this turns out!

Current Drink

I am sipping on my latest batch of cranberry tea.

I have been avoiding caffeine lately so sadly I'm on a break from my beloved chai.

Current Shame-Inducing Pleasure

See Current Outfit - I haven't gotten dressed all day!

Current Outfit

This is NOT picture worthy. Pajamas and the Ergo.

Current Celebrity Crush

See Current Movie - I am so excited to see Matthew Crawley as The Beast!

{Downton Abbey reference for anyone not as nerdy as me!}

Current Mood

For the first time in way too long, I feel happy.

Current Anticipation

I DVR'd the Oscars, so I'm excited to watch it!

Current Film

I am so excited about this movie!

I imagine it'll be what I finally get to the movies for since P's arrival. Ready Allison?

Current Picture

Our family's engine and caboose {grin}

2 month comparisons

Let's check in on how these fat Gurley babies stack up at 2 months!

*All stats are comparing from birth*

Trent: 
Weight: 13 pounds, 2 ounces - gained 4 pounds, 9 ounces
Height: 23 1/4" - grew 2 3/4"

Drew:
Weight: 11 pounds, 11 ounces - gained 2 pounds, 11 ounces
Height: 23" - grew 3"

Paige:
Weight: 12 pounds, 5 ounces - gained 2 pounds, 6 ounces
Height: 23" - grew 3"

So interesting! I can't get over how much Trent had gained. And I find it so interesting that Paige has gained the least - although this just coincides with my theory that my kids aren't designed to be big once they get out of me!

Do you think they favor each other?

Well Sh*t

I started Zoloft on Monday. If I could scream expletives through the laptop to express the depth of my feelings about this, I would.

What started as a bad week turned into 2. It turned into anxiety that wouldn't stop. It turned into crying jags. It turned into loneliness. It turned into being afraid to be with the kids alone because how can I parent all 3 {even though I have done it alone several times}. It turned into not being able to eat - nausea and gagging with everything I tried to eat which led into worry about my milk supply. It turned into being afraid to be away from home. It turned into stressing about Paige's naps. It turned into not feeling connected to my husband or children. It turned into feeling sad. It turned into agony.

Saturday my in-laws kept the big kids and Brent played golf. I sat in our living room holding a sleeping Paige just crying and crying. I knew it was time to ask for help. Sunday morning the anxiety was so bad I could barely stand it. I talked to my mother-in-law and just bawled. Guys, I don't know how I got so lucky to have that woman in my life, but I will never be able to repay her. She immediately said she could come over every day and help. I mean seriously - how amazing is she? When I suffered from PPA with Trent, she took 2 weeks off of work and came over every day and helped me get comfortable going places with Trent and just feeling good in my skin. Between her and my mom, I've  got almost daily company. Those women are just 2 of the biggest blessings in my life.

Monday I called my OB and went in to talk to Liane {the midwife who delivered Drew}, and even though I wasn't crazy about how Zoloft made me feel {the side effects made me groggy and kind of numb}, it has the safest profile for breastfeeding, so that's what we decided to do. I started the medicine immediately.

With Trent, it took a good 2+ weeks to start feeling better. I'm hoping that since I've already taken Zoloft before I'll have a better reaction this time and start feeling better faster. I'm trying to get outside more {I wasn't doing that enough honestly}, trying to not be alone as little as possible, and just praying for fast relief.

So that's the latest with me. A 3-time winner of the postpartum anxiety lottery. Luckily, this is the last time we will ever have to worry about this!

Grow Baby Grow {Paige} - 2 Months

Well, here we are! Does it feel like Christmas 2 months ago? Because it seems amazing that Paige has been part of our family for 2 months! She is such a combination of her brother and sister - in looks {she is a  mix of Trent and Drew but looks more like Trent} and temperament {she isn't quite as chill as Trent but also isn't nearly as fussy as Drew}, and even though month 2 wasn't a cake walk, she is such a blessing to our family.

Stats:
Weight: 12 pounds, 5 ounces {75%}
Length: 23" {75%}
Head circumference: 15.5" {75-90%}
Clothes size: 0-3 months
Diaper: size 2 {still haven't started cloth, this may be a ways off}
Nicknames: Smoochie/Smooch, Paigey Waigey, Pretty Paige, Sweet Girl

Her doctor said she is doing great! The only thing we need to do is focus on tummy time because she has a slight flat spot on the left side of her head. Ugh. So we're just going to do it every wakeful period for a few minutes and hopefully build up a lot.

Paige is nursing great. She typically eats every 2-3 hours. She hardly ever spits up and usually only does so if she's overeaten. Such a blessing after Drew's yearlong reflux battle.

She started smiling at about a month old. It's hard to tell when they're real, but I got a few good ones early in month 2 and knew they were real. The cooing wasn't far behind, and now she talks up a storm.

Paige has had 2 bottles. The first on February 1 and the second on February 6. I probably should do them more often to make sure she'll keep taking them, but it is extra work!

She's still not sure about the bath. She's stopped screaming during them but just kind of sits there with a skeptical look on her face. She usually gets worked up when we get out and she's naked and cold! So right now we bathe her once or twice a week and wipe her down the other days.

She likes her bouncer seat and just stares and stares at the animals on it. She can get overstimulated by them pretty quickly though so if I need to do something {like shower} I won't put the animals on the seat.

Paige loves to stand up! She is just like her brother and sister - this was a favorite past time of theirs too.

She randomly slept through the night on February 9 and then we had 3 nights of hell the next week where she was up every 20-30 minutes. We bedshared a few times just to end the agony of getting up every time she cried but that was awful too. Luckily that only lasted 3 nights and she got back to our 'normal' routine.

Speaking of her routine, she typically goes to bed sometime between 8-9, normally 8:30. She gets swaddled, we nurse, and she goes into the rock 'n play in our closet. On average, she wakes up once or twice a night. If she makes it until after 4:00, then that's usually it and she can last until 7:00 or so. But if it's closer to between 2:30 and 3:30, then she is usually up another time. She isn't super easy to settle in the RNP, but I've learned I can jiggle the seat for a few minutes and that's almost always enough.

She uses the pacifier, but it isn't as important to her {so far}as it was to Trent. We hardly use it at bedtime - once she is swaddled she doesn't really need it. She loves to have her hands by her face and they tempt her so much that the paci is a big help during naps. I wonder if she will ever figure her hand out and suck her thumb or some fingers...

I hold her for most of her naps. It's a quirk of mine that I hate swaddling during the day. This drives Brent nuts because it makes me virtually worthless a big chunk of the day. I do wear Paige in the Ergo in the afternoon/evenings so I have my hands free for the big kids. She is typically taking about 4 naps a day.

Like her big sister, she is hit or miss on the car seat. More often, miss. Unfortunately, she is in the car for a good 30 minutes or more a trip so that is SUPER fun for the rest of us to listen to.

I'm excited to see what month 3 brings. Paige brings joy to everyone because she is such a smiley, happy, pretty easy baby. She has her siblings wrapped around her finger - they love to hold her, try to entertain her during tummy time, talk to her. I can't wait to watch their relationships grow! It feels good to know our family is complete. Paige is the perfect piece to finish our puzzle.

Paige's Birth Announcement

Radio Silence

Sorry for disappearing last week. To be totally honest, it wasn't a good week. I just love how I crowed after my 6 week postpartum appointment that I was doing so good. And then life decided I needed a good slap back to reality.

There wasn't anything that happened. I think it's a combination of sleep deprivation and adjusting to having 3 children. I tend to second guess myself a lot when I have a newborn and struggle to find the new normal. Even though I felt I had been doing really good, last week I just felt really anxious and it bubbled over into lots of crying jags. I really don't know how people who have anxiety regularly stand it because what I get with postpartum is just awful.

Luckily, Sunday and Monday were really good days. I don't think I'm totally out of the woods, but I am going to celebrate every day that is good and just focus on knowing that luckily I know the anxiety will eventually go away completely. I don't think I have PPA again, but I am going to continue to watch my feelings, take my supplements, and hope for the best! I am so blessed that Brent, my parents, my in-laws, and my sister are all so fabulous to give me the extra attention and support I need! 

I guess if I have to have anxiety, these stinkers are worth it!

Drewisms

I've collected a lot of funny things Drew has said that crack me and that I want to remember.

Drew has asked us how come the fish doesn't talk to her and she will try to carry on a conversation with the fish. It is still a one-sided conversation!

This was a while ago, but Drew wanted her goldfish to die after Trent's goldfish died and he got Gil 2.0. Well, she got her wish not too much later...but we didn't buy her another fish, ha. However, about a week ago, Trent told Drew Gil 2.0 could be her fish...since he has decided fish are boring!

She calls the beta a 'Firefighter fish' instead of 'fighter fish'.

It's always fun having to interpret Drew's song requests - she'll describe the song in weird ways, and it's up to me to guess! I'm usually pretty good but not always. 

There's a local kids play place called Kiddie Acres. But Drew calls it Hello Kitty Acres.

She calls nursing 'milking'. So she'll say 'When you finish milking Paige...'

At school, anytime there is a performance there is an announcement to 'Pacify your cell phones and turn off your babies.' Well, in the car one time Trent said that, and Drew promptly followed it up with 'Bluetooth audio.' which is what Brent says in his truck to play music on Bluetooth.

Some other funny phrases:
Food Fires = Foo Fighters
Stripe 3 = Strike 3
Captain Crook = Captain Hook

Love this girl and her funny expressions!

6 Week Postpartum Check-up

I had my 6 week postpartum checkup yesterday. Long story short, I am doing great! But I wanted to document a few things about my appointment.

First, physically my doctor said I am totally good. I was confident I was, but it's always nice to have an exam and get the same feedback. Paige's labor might have been the longest, but her delivery was the quickest, so I guess this is the upside!

Second, I wanted to talk to her about my emotional state. I filled out a survey when I got there related to postpartum, and my answers seemed to line up with being good. And I feel good. Not great but good, so I felt pretty good that she was going to have good thoughts for me too. Basically what I wanted to know was what her opinion was on my likelihood of postpartum anxiety developing. I know it can happen any time during the first year, BUT my history with Trent and Drew was it starting pretty quickly. With Trent, I was taking Zoloft by 5 weeks, and with Drew, by 6 weeks I was contacting a psychologist. So it seems like if I feel good with Paige and my history is it coming on early, then maybe I am not going to develop it this time? And Dr. Campaigne agreed! She said she didn't want me to think that my expectation was that it wouldn't happen in case it does come on, but she said she thinks I look and sound good. We also talked about the difference between 'coping' and 'winning' at life. Right now I don't think I'm 'winning' at life, but life is definitely not 'winning' over me. It is more like I'm 'coping' with it. And she said up until recently she was in the same boat {she has a 2 year old and a 4 month old} and now she feels like she's 'winning'. Ha. It was a great analogy and goes along with me feeling good but not great. But given my history, I think that in itself is great! Did any of that make sense??

And third, everyone thought Paige was adorable. #duh

January 2017 Reads

I had really low expectations for myself this month for how much I would read. I think you guys all know how much I love to read, but I just wasn't sure how it would all play out. One of my favorite times of day is when I get into bed and read and that can sometimes end up lasting way longer than it should, but with a newborn in the house, my goal is to get to sleep as quickly as I can after I get Paige down to maximize my sleep, so I typically only read for 15 minutes at night. And during the day I am usually too brain dead and use the TV as my entertainment. So I was pretty darn proud of 5 books in January!

Bay of Sighs by Nora Roberts - The second book in another supernatural Nora trilogy. Same review as the first book - not one of her best, but I love me some Nora so I keep coming back. If you are a Nora fan, you'll like {if not love} this trilogy. On the waiting list for the 3rd book at the library but should get it in soon!

Wedding Night by Sophie Kinsella - I enjoyed the Shopaholic books and everything else I've read of Sophie Kinsella's, but Wedding Night is not her best. When the main character doesn't get proposed to like she thought, she breaks up with her boyfriend and within days is engaged to an ex-boyfriend. That part was a fun premise - who is the right guy? But her sister is trying to break the marriage up and THAT storyline was super tedious. I was so annoyed with the sister!

The One That Got Away by Bethany Chase - Sarina is happily almost engaged and growing her own architecture business when an old {important} flame comes back into her life and hires her to remodel his house. The attraction and connection is still there...so which guy is right for her? Interesting that it kind of sounds like Wedding Night but this book was SO much better. Was it amazing? No. Did I have a good time reading it? Yes!

A Modern Fairy Tale by Jane Green - Jane Green is an author I can always go to when I don't have something specific in mind to search for. So I was excited to find this short book about William & Kate, Charles & Diana, and Phillip & Elizabeth. It compared and contrasted their courtships, engagements, weddings, marriages, etc. I love all things Windsor so this was a fun and quick read.

Mariana by Susana Kearsley - Julia Beckett impulsively buys a house years after first seeing it at 5 and proclaiming 'That's my house'. Almost as soon as she moves in she starts having flashbacks of Mariana Farr's life in the same house. Very good read that kept me interested in 2 stories and guessing until the end for how both would play out and how Julia and Mariana were connected. I really like Susana Kearsley and really REALLY liked this story!

You can probably tell I was trying to keep things light and fun this month, and I think I pretty well succeeded. I missed our January book club meeting because Drew was sick, but I plan to read that book this month...and it's a true crime novel about a serial killer, so here's hoping I don't lose it reading that one!