My Pre Post-Partum Appointment

I had an appointment last week with a local therapist, Kelly Boyd, who specializes in issues for women related to all areas of reproductive health {fertility issues, miscarriage, post-partum, infant loss, menopause}. I have so many words to describe the appointment: amazing, uplifting, validating, encouraging, inspiring... And now I'm going to bore you share with you the details!

First off, Kelly GOT IT. When she told me her story, I started crying. Her own journey involved post-partum {plus so much more!}, and while it's a terrible 'club' to be apart of, it definitely provides a sense of solidarity, and I think knowing the person you are talking to has been through that same hell helps so much.

She also gave me so much valuable information - some of it validated what I did with Drew, and some was new information. While I am hopeful I won't have post-partum again {especially since MTHFR is linked to post-partum, and I am treating my mutations}, it's nice to have more tools in my belt to fight this nasty beast. One of the things I wanted to discuss with her was all the supplements I took with Drew. My plan was to take them again, but I wanted to know when I should start. Kelly said it depended on me - did I want to 'wait and see' if I would have post-partum again or if I wanted to be really aggressive. Um, for me that was a no brainer - REALLY AGGRESSIVE! I would rather take supplements I didn't need than get into that post-partum hole and have to dig out of it. So her suggestion was that I have all my supplements at the hospital and pop out a baby and pop in some pills. {grin}

We also talked about me needing:
* to eat every 2-3 hours. When your blood sugar drops and your body is full of oxytocin, your hormones skyrocket. If you eat {healthy and filling food} on a regular basis, you can keep your adrenaline from surging. Kelly also told me that hormones are not only tied to breastfeeding but to changes in breastfeeding - so when Smoochie drops a feeding it will cause a change in hormones which will cause a change in mood. Good information to have!
* to get at least one 3-4 hour sleep cycle/day. The psychiatrist I saw with Trent had me do this as well - when we got Trent into an earlier bedtime of going to bed at 8:00 pm, I would read for a bit and have lights out by 8:30. That way when he woke up between 12 - 1 am, I had gotten a good REM cycle. She said if once or twice a week I could let go {hahahaha} and have someone else give the baby a bottle, this would be huge too. I'm not sure this is possible for me honestly. We'll talk about what she said about my need for control soon. {grin}
* to get out of the house every day - once with the baby and once without. It could be something as simple as walking to the mailbox, but Kelly stressed how important it was to get out of the 4 walls of my house.
* to have self-care {doing something for myself} and couple time {even if it's a date-night in or 10 minutes of cuddling}.
* to not be alone. We talked a lot about how much company helped me when I was battling post-partum with Trent and Drew. My mother-in-law took 2 weeks off of work when I had Trent and came over every day. With Drew, I spent 1 day at my in-laws and 1 at my parents every week. Kelly suggested that I get commitments from family and friends and pretty much create a 'care calendar' of keeping me company.

We also talked about a technique she calls HALT. If and when I feel those moments of anxiety, I need to 'halt' ask myself the following questions:
H - am I HUNGRY?
A - am I ANGRY?
L - am I LONELY?
T - am I TIRED?

Once I can identify the underlying emotion I now have the tools to fight it. If I'm hungry, eat! If I'm lonely, go visit someone!

We also talked about my need for perfection and control. I don't think this is an issue I have in my 'normal' life {Brent, would you agree?}, but with a new baby I have a hard time finding that balance and that new normal - I want to give ALL of myself to each kid, and that's not possible. I need to be the one to care for them and feed and be there. And that just is too much for anyone - I need help, I need to take care of myself, I need to get away {even if it's for 30 minutes or an hour}, so I just need to try and remind myself that a new normal will arise and we will find balance. 

I also need to be vocal with Brent about what he can do to help. He has talked to me in the past about how helpless post-partum makes him feel because it's hard for him to help me. Kelly wants to meet with both of us and formulate a plan for ways Brent can help - it will make him feel less helpless because it will hopefully...help!

One of the last things Kelly talked about was that we currently have a family wheel that is spinning away every day. And we're about to add a new person into our family wheel. And just like dropping a pebble in water, it will cause ripples. But we'll get that wheel righted! That was a good analogy to focus on for me.

So we had a really great appointment, and I really feel like I am even more prepared for this baby. I really don't want to go through post-partum again, but I feel more ready to tackle it. Fingers crossed!