Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I don't want to write this post. But I think it will be good for me to get this out of my system...

I worry.

I worry that Trent is too cold. I worry that Trent is too hot. I worry that he hates being swaddled (even though I know it helps him sleep). I worry that I feed him too much. I worry that I don't feed him enough. I worry that he will stop breathing (this fear consumes me). I worry that he doesn't feel good when he fusses. I worry that I will not be a good mother. The worry just doesn't stop. My heart will just go crazy sometimes with anxiety - it's hard for me to hear him fuss or not have him in my arms 24/7 because of all the fear I feel.

I know this is completely normal. It even has a name - baby blues. Every day I feel a little better than I did the day before - but minutely. {I'll take whatever I can get though.}

I want to enjoy every minute with him, but I also can't help but look forward to the day when I feel 'normal' (whatever that means now), when I feel like I know what I'm doing, when the irrational fears and anxiety are behind me. Being a mother is wonderful...but I worry.


Hanna said...

Oh, Allena. I just want to give you a great big hug! You can't help but be an absolutely wonderful mother. I think the worrying just naturally comes with parenthood. My mom still worries and I'm almost 30 years old! You will be fine and so will Trent. I'm so glad that you have your mom and sister so close. Lean on them and use them as a support system. Keep your chin up!!

Heather said...

And you worry because you are a good mama! Hang in there...this too shall pass! Hugs!

STACEY said...

I agree 100% with Heather- all that worrying just means you are a wonderful mommy that cares so much & has so much love for your little Trent & you just want to know that he’s OK all the time.

Jill said...

1. congrats on your super cute baby!!

2. what a small world!! jake and leslie are two of our best friends, so we definitely know todd and christina. did you hear they had a baby a few months ago? a girl, sadie. and from pics, she looks adorable. i haven't seen walker in awhile but he is darling too! he looks just like christina. that's just too funny. :)