Sometimes I will daydream about jobs that I think would be a lot of fun or a good fit for my personality. I basically fell into Accounting, so sometimes I wonder what I could be doing if 39-year-old Allena could go back and talk to 18-year-old Allena.
*Sidebar: Here's how I landed in Accounting. I started out without a major and my counselor suggested I try an Accounting class. It was really easy, and I did well in the class, so the professor told me about a 5-year program where you got your Bachelor and Master degree at the same time, had an internship, and walked away with a full-time job. It sounded really awesome, and the bonus was that Brent red-shirted his freshman year in golf, so I knew he'd be at his school for 5 years too. A&M was much closer to SFA than Austin was, so I applied to the program, got it, and here we are.*
1) Midwife or Doula - This one shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me or has read my blog for any length of time. I love everything about pregnancy, delivery, and newborn care [except being the one who has a newborn]. This is definitely the #1 'what if' I have. At one point, early in my career, I actually looked into going back to school to become an L&D nurse, but even with 2 degrees, I was lacking in so many pre-reqs I would have had to spend a lot of time getting those classes taken.
2) Librarian - I've always enjoyed reading, but the older I get, the more I LOVE reading. I also love to talk about books with people. Give and get recommendations, enjoy a great discussion about a book, all of it. I think I would be a good librarian!
3) Owning a Bookstore - Why not combine my business background with my love of books and own a bookstore? Wouldn't that be so fun! I know working retail is a lot of work, but this is my fantasy, so I'm going to focus on the fun. We have a really cute local bookstore that is owned by a group of women, and it's great - there is a cafe, they do an in-store book club, they host trivia nights - all of that sounds fabulous!
4) Barista - For years, I've thought it would be fun to work at a coffee shop. I could see myself doing this someday when I retire {or volunteering at a library, ha} - chat a little with people, make delicious drinks, so fun!
5) Owning a Boutique - Similar to a bookstore, I think it would be a fun life to own a little boutique. There is a nearby store that I'm obsessed with - 4 friends started it, and they each have a separate talent - one makes t-shirts, one makes wooden signs, one makes earrings, etc. - and have created such a fun store.
If you could do your dream job, what would you choose to do?
Yesterday was a doozy of a day. It started off badly, and I told myself, 'Surely today will have to go up from here.' Nope.
It started off with getting into an argument with Trent over a piece of gum. It wasn't really about a piece of gum, it was about him not listening and constantly being defiant with me. I have been holding in a lot of upset feelings at his disrespect [therapy appointment is next week ha], and my reaction was disproportionate to his behavior...but I am human and I had hit my limit. I sent him to school with bad words still floating in the air around us. And I hated myself for it.
Yesterday was a gloomy, rainy, cold, gray day. That never helps my mood.
A partner at work suggested something that was utterly ridiculous and my response might not have had my usual filtering in place.
I did get a workout in, but after I got home I found out that our beloved preschool teacher lost her son in a car accident on Monday. I don't think I know a kinder woman. She loved on Trent when he was at his most unlovable, and I am broken-hearted for her. Add to that my guilt over the fight with Trent, and I was a mess for a good chunk of the day.
Brent and I also were grumpy with each other for a little part of the morning - before we learned of this death. I don't like when we're out of sorts. Luckily, we are much more mature as adults than we were as teens and were able to talk through our miscommunication.
The kids picked on each other a lot after school.
I just felt really sad and out of sorts all day. Luckily, for me, tomorrow is another day. A good friend of mine, who is also a trauma therapist, and I were talking about this loss as her kids also went to this school. And she told me Parenting is a unique form of vulnerability. And that really struck a chord with me - if that isn't the simplest sentence conveying the most complex emotions then I don't know what is!
I have no point to this post except I was hoping getting these thoughts out of my head might help me feel a little less yucky. I don't need to move to Australia, and I am fortunate that my good days immeasurably outnumber my bad. But man I don't want to repeat yesterday ever again.
