90% of the time Trent is an amazing kid. I look at him and still cannot believe he is
half of me and half of my favorite person in
the world. It can take my breath
away. But that other 10%? R.O.U.G.H.
Saturday, when Trent finally fell asleep at naptime after a long battle,
I sat on my cousin’s couch just crying.
Trent can be mean. He gets that
from me, and I recognize that. But it
doesn’t make it any easier to parent him when I am trying to teach him to use ‘gentle
hands’ (when beating the cr@p out of his cousin or his mommy) or that
scratching/hitting/biting/hair pulling/head butting are not acceptable ways to
show you are frustrated. I try so hard
to keep calm when talking with him. I
try so hard to parent him with love. But
there are times, like Saturday, where I just lose my cool.
It started in the morning – I was in the bathroom
trying to get ready to leave for the water park, when I heard screaming/crying
coming from another room. I rush out of
the bathroom to find Connor pinning Trent to the bed, yet Connor was the one
crying with a small wound on his neck.
Based on that, Trent picked on Connor so much (who is so mild-mannered) that
he lashed out. Connor has Trent by
probably 2 inches and 10 pounds, which is a lot when you’re 3. I spanked Trent, but all that turned into was
a battle over him hitting me or defying me and me spanking him again. Mommy fail. Another battle ensued over Trent not wanting to wear his bathing suit. In what world is it normal for a parent to
have to spank their kid over going to the water park? We had a great time at the water park, but
then another battle broke out over nap time.
I was yelling at him about ‘you better take a nap or else’. #1 – yelling?
Really? #2 – ‘or else’…that is
really informative to a toddler what you mean.
He finally did take a nap, but I sat there feeling helpless. When you wonder how your kid likes you at all
and isn’t scared of you because it seems like all you did that day was punish
him…that’s a low place to be. I really
prayed for wisdom and strength and to rededicate myself to focusing on teaching
him with love in my voice and heart. He’s
still a baby in so many ways! Luckily
Saturday evening and yesterday were much better days. I don’t think he’s turned into a different
kid overnight, and I’m thinking my attitude makes a big difference in how our
day goes. I know, I know, it’s taken me
3 years to figure that one out? At the
end of the day, I know we both love each other more than is even fathomable…but
seriously…this mommy business? It’s
hard!
