A Little Laugh at My Expense

I had lunch with my boss today to talk about some potential changes to my job when I go back in 5 weeks {ugh, devastating}. My parents normally keep Trent on Mondays, and they were keeping Drew too during my lunch. 

I started the day with Stroller Strides and got ready for lunch at my parents' house. You should have seen me leaving this morning loaded down with an unbelievable amount of stuff just for me to be gone for about 2 hours. A few key things happened...

• Even with everything I had, I forgot my pump or a bottle for Drew. Luckily, Brent was able to bring over a bottle and my parents have a lot of my milk in their deep freeze. #besthusband. #worstmom.
• I forgot clean underwear. So the choice was to wear sweaty, dirty underwear or go commando...to lunch...with my boss. I went with option #2. #awkward
• Drew was mad about something. She refused to nurse and was just generally pissed at everyone. Which is how I left her with my parents and how I found her 2+ hours later. And she refused to drink the bottle.

So just think about how I felt today meeting my boss sans underwear thinking about my screaming/refusing to eat daughter! {grin} It was a successful lunch though with hopefully some changes in my future. I will of course blog about it when I know what's really happening!

Missing Me or Missing: Me

I think we've established I am not the best at adjusting to changes in my life. 

I {duh} love being a mom and love my babies; it just takes me awhile to find my new normal. What ends up suffering is me. I feel like right now I am a shell of myself. 

I can't seem to find the time to really be me - I don't shower every day, I hardly ever fix my hair or put on makeup. Everything I am reading right now is related to vaccines and nap routines. (Brent says if he hears the word 'nap' one more time he is going to lose it. Hee hee.) My blog is only about my children right now...when I do blog. And don't even ask how much time I spend with Brent. Or my friends.

If I hadn't already been through this with Trent, I'd be a little worried. But I managed to find me again after having him, so I know the same thing will happen...eventually. Right?

I think part of the problem is that I'm not back at work. I hate that I have to work, but that isn't the point of this post. Right now, I'm not in my 'routine', so it's like I'm just biding my time a little bit. I don't know what to do with my days because normally I work! And it breaks my heart to think about Drew in daycare, but I've dropped 1 baby off for their 'first day' already, and he's still going there and thriving, so I know I can do it.

The good part is little-by-little I am adjusting. I have felt amazing the past 10 days. Brent and I have 2 dates planned during May. 

There really is no point to this post...I just felt like I had to put these feelings 'on paper'. I'm so ready to find me again...I think we're getting there. At least I hope we are!

My Sister is Evil

Drew's 3 Month Pictures

Drew had her 3 month photo shoot last week. She was a little stinker and wouldn't smile much. We caught 1 teeny smile. It's funny because we caught Trent's FIRST smile on camera at his 3 month shoot. Those pictures of Trent are some of my favorites, I still melt at them.

These are pictures of pictures (I'm not paying $150 for the CD), so forgive the quality. The subject, however, makes up for it. {grin}

Our one and only teeny smile {and her Easter dress}

Stinker pot not smiling but still precious

My favorite

Postpartum Update

I've had a few questions about how I'm doing, so I thought I'd do a little update.

I would say most days I feel GOOD. That is a pretty significant improvement over just a few short weeks ago. Probably 50-75% of the time I have an undercurrent of anxiety running through me (constant butterflies in my stomach) which I wouldn't consider good BUT...it isn't suffocating me anymore. I don't really know how to describe the change in the way it feels - it's just less intense. A few weeks ago the anxiety was causing me to constantly cry. I was really shaky feeling all the time too and super nervous. Now it's just an annoying feeling. While I wish it would go away totally (and it will...patience...) this is SO much better! I'm excited for when I can say I feel GREAT, and I know I'll get there!

What I'm doing:

• All my supplements...still going strong on those.
• Therapy...going twice a month instead of every week. Last week was probably my best session, I feel like I'm still on a high from what we discussed. Again, it's hard to explain but my therapist just gets it.
• Prayer/self-affirmation...I made a bunch of 'flash cards' for myself with positive things/scripture that help. I just read them over and over again and also have the 'Daily Affirm' app (get it, so good!) and am trying to really read more of the Bible/pray.
• Earthing...ever heard of it? Essentially, a theory that connecting yourself to the earth for a little bit of time is good for your body and soul.
• Exercise! I go to Stroller Strides 2-3X week and want to start going on walks on the other days.
• Good old fashioned sunshine...I am going outside more and more with Drew and soaking up some Vitamin D.

So there you have it. I'll do just about anything to feel better faster, so if you have any suggestions...send 'em my way!

Randoms

• It is beyond awesome to see Trent starting to interact some with Drew. She is fascinated with him and just stares at him if he is around. He, on the other hand, does not find her interesting in the least.

• I haven't had a chai in almost a week because of our thrush diet. I am dying. BUT...I haven't seen thrush since Tuesday. Dear Lord, please let us be over this hurdle. Amen.
• Feast your eyes on my Staypuff Marshmallow. Our newest sleep aid is the Baby Merlin Magic Sleepsuit. It is a transition out of the swaddle and so far, so good. But seriously - the look is pretty hysterical.

• Is it just me or is it a little awkward when Trent gets one of my romance novels off the book shelf and wants to use it as something in his imaginings?
• I know y'all are probably sick of me saying this but seriously. Seriously.

• I told y'all Mayer was fat. {grin} I think it'd be hard to argue which baby is bigger, but Drew is 6 weeks older. My sister is 3 for 3 for chunkies! His rolls are delicious.

Thrush: Week 8

I think this picture says it all. 

WTF, Mom?

We have pulled out the big guns. Gentian violet (hence the purple lips!) and a paleo diet for me. If this doesn't get rid of the thrush, I might have to be committed to a mental hospital. {grin}

Eavesdropping

Overheard:

Trent: Miles, why do you have a night-night*?
Miles: Because I like it.
Trent: They** took mine away.
Miles: Do you miss it?
Trent: Yeah... But I'm going to go to the garbage dump to get it back.
Miles: They have poo poo diapers at the garbage dump. And pee pee diapers.
Trent: I will hold my nose.

Seriously, these boys are hysterical. And I love them both.

*night-night = pacifier
**They = evil Mom and Dad {10 MONTHS ago}

Month 3 Random Pics

Just jumpin' {or really just hangin'...there's no jumpin' just yet!}

Finally! She drinks!

Unswaddled nap...not so successful {grin}

Clasping those hands and finally liking the animals!

Sleeping in her crib!!

A little tummy time

Snuggles with Mom

Blair

Happy birthday to my only niece.

She is so funny and feisty.

She makes 2 look GOOD.

I love you, precious girl!

Grow Baby Grow {Drew} - 3 Months

Drew Kathleen, we made it!!! I have literally been counting down to the 3 month mark because it is such a huge milestone to me. And we're here! {grin} I feel like in the last week or 2, Drew has really come out of that '4th trimester'. She doesn't want to be held ALL the time, is smiling and talking up a storm {and throwing in an occasional squeal, so precious} and is just becoming more and more fun! We are having lots of fun, especially since I stopped crying all the time {grin}!

Randoms from the month:
*She has taken 3 bottles!!! Just in time for Mommy and Daddy to have a date on Saturday to some friends' wedding reception.
*Her reflux is so much better. There are days she barely spits up at all. So glad we stuck with natural treatments instead of immediately going to a prescription.
*She usually wakes up once a night. She has done a handful of nights sleeping through the night. Trent didn't do that until we did CIO at 6 months so that is awesome. She had a little cough toward the end of the month which had her up twice a night for several nights. I got spoiled and don't like that!
*45 minute cat naps, they suck. Month 4 is going to be about figuring out naps! It's time I stopped holding her all the time...I'm just a little scared, ha!
*She LOVES to clasp hands and suck on them. It is so funny watching her go after them. I think if she could get her thumb in there, she'd suck it. She just still keeps her hands mostly in fists.
*She is still being swaddled in the Miracle Blanket at night (but we moved to her crib!!!) and napping mostly on me during the day. Bedtime is between 7:30 and 8:30 usually. Taking 4-5 naps/day.
*Nursing 8-10 times/day, she loves to nurse and nursing more often with less milk helps reflux too.
*We're treating thrush still...but back to Kaya's treatment (plus a few added things) we went and I can visibly see her patches disappearing. Fingers crossed we can knock it out for good soon!
*Loves to stand, just like Trent did as a baby and she's getting super close to rolling over. I'm not sure she realizes what she's doing because it's usually during a game of 'eat my fist' that she ends up on her side teetering on tipping over...we'll see if she figures it out and if it scares the bejesus out of her!
*Still hates the carseat but falls asleep about half the time which is nice.
*Neck is so strong which is great...unless I am trying to get that head to rest on my shoulder for a nap.
*Not laughing yet although on 3/21 said 'heh-heh'. Does that count?
*Size 0-3 months in clothes (about to be ready to go up though) and size 1 in disposables (size 2 at bedtime). Still leaking in cloth unless I get them TIGHT.
*Nicknames: Girlfriend, Sister, Pumpkin, Sweet Pea, Sugar Plum/Bean...too many!
*Firsts:
-First Easter {March 31}
-First time in the jumper {March 30}