Wednesday, February 12, 2020

The Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was a doozy of a day. It started off badly, and I told myself, 'Surely today will have to go up from here.' Nope.
It started off with getting into an argument with Trent over a piece of gum. It wasn't really about a piece of gum, it was about him not listening and constantly being defiant with me. I have been holding in a lot of upset feelings at his disrespect [therapy appointment is next week ha], and my reaction was disproportionate to his behavior...but I am human and I had hit my limit. I sent him to school with bad words still floating in the air around us. And I hated myself for it.

Yesterday was a gloomy, rainy, cold, gray day. That never helps my mood.

A partner at work suggested something that was utterly ridiculous and my response might not have had my usual filtering in place.

I did get a workout in, but after I got home I found out that our beloved preschool teacher lost her son in a car accident on Monday. I don't think I know a kinder woman. She loved on Trent when he was at his most unlovable, and I am broken-hearted for her. Add to that my guilt over the fight with Trent, and I was a mess for a good chunk of the day.

Brent and I also were grumpy with each other for a little part of the morning - before we learned of this death. I don't like when we're out of sorts. Luckily, we are much more mature as adults than we were as teens and were able to talk through our miscommunication.

The kids picked on each other a lot after school.

I just felt really sad and out of sorts all day. Luckily, for me, tomorrow is another day. A good friend of mine, who is also a trauma therapist, and I were talking about this loss as her kids also went to this school. And she told me Parenting is a unique form of vulnerability. And that really struck a chord with me - if that isn't the simplest sentence conveying the most complex emotions then I don't know what is!

I have no point to this post except I was hoping getting these thoughts out of my head might help me feel a little less yucky. I don't need to move to Australia, and I am fortunate that my good days immeasurably outnumber my bad. But man I don't want to repeat yesterday ever again.


Kathryn Bagley said...

I'm sorry you had a rough day! This week has been super lousy for me also. I found out Monday evening that one of my cohorts in grad school passed away while running-heart attack. I'm unable to attend the funeral and just feel like crap about it. Most my other class members will be there. We have had rain for 3 days straight. Spring hurry up!!

Emily said...

Ugh I’m so sorry. These days happen and they are terrible. I also hate departing from my kids with bad vibes. This is so morbid, but ever since Sandy Hook (when I was pregnant with Aaron), I swore I’d always send kids to school on a good note in case they never came home. That said, we have had bad mornings and then they weigh on me all day. and Then of course to hear about the teacher’s son just compounds it. My heart breaks for that woman. I always think I can handle anything life throws at me - unless I lost a child. Then my mind just goes blank. The poor teacher! Anyway, I’m sorry for your terrible day and I hope today has been better!