Thursday, March 23, 2017

3 Month Comparisons

I think we can definitely see a pattern here of how my babies are growing:
Trent is the biggest, then Paige, then Drew is the peanut. I'm just curious to see if Paige is going to lean out like her siblings...time will tell!

Love these 3 so much and love seeing how they compare!


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Grow Baby Grow {Paige} - 3 Months

Happy 3 months, Paige Noelle! This month I think Paige has grown the most, she is definitely out of the newborn phase. She is grabbing her hands and reaching for things. She is talking {and has new sounds this month}, starting to laugh, wants to sit up so badly. I would still say she is a mostly happy baby - she really only cries if she is super tired at bedtime or in her car seat.


Stats:
Weight: ~13-13.5 pounds
Clothes size: 0-3 months {pulled out the 3-6 month ones though, she is almost out of these}
Diaper size: 2

She is going about an hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours in between naps {the longest of any of my kids}. She starts getting tired earlier, but if you try to put her down before at least an hour and 45 minutes, she won't go to sleep. So we have started to develop a decent 3-nap routine. She started rubbing her eyes this month too, so cute!

She still naps on me {either in my arms or the Ergo} and sleeps swaddled in our closet. We tried a couple of independent naps and they didn't go well. Her sleep cycle is about 40 minutes and that was all she would nap alone. Plus it made me anxious. So another month or so of her sleeping on me won't hurt anyone I don't think! Her first 2 naps are 2+ hours and the 3rd one is anywhere from 45 minutes plus. I don't let her sleep past 7:00 so she will go to bed.

She's super twitchy still, so I'm not sure when she'll get out of the swaddle either. Bedtime is about 8:00 PM, and she gets up between 7:00 and 7:30. She wakes up typically once or twice a night. She had another random night of sleeping through the night {March 2, not that I'm counting}, and she also had plenty of nights with 3, 4, 6, 8 wake-ups. The nights where she woke up a ton I noticed correlated to a new skill, so it made sense.

She naps with a paci but doesn't use it any other time. She likes to suck on her fingers in the Ergo if she can get them in your mouth, but sometimes she gets frustrated and the paci does the trick.

She took another bottle this month but again I'm being lazy since it'll be September before she starts school. She nurses every 2-3 hours during the day.

She likes her bouncy seat and talks to the animals. She mostly hates tummy time. She doesn't really like laying on her back anymore because she wants to be sitting up. She has strong legs and loves to stand. I don't see any signs of her being ready to roll. We also pulled out the Bumbo this month and it is a hit as well. I think we'll try the Jumperoo this coming month, and I'm excited to see if she likes it! We can't do a Jumper from the doors in this house because they are too tall, boo.

During the day we read, sing songs, sit outside, occasionally go on walks. When the big kids are home, they are still obsessed with her - I love it. They fight over holding her and love to get smiles out of her. Paige still doesn't like the bathtub. She doesn't scream, but she is extremely skeptical and has yet to crack a smile!

She is such a sweet, easygoing baby, and I just fall more in love with her every day! I can't wait to see what month 4 brings!

Monday, March 20, 2017

Paige's Nursery

I finally finished Paige's nursery a few weeks ago, and after our cleaning lady came this past week, I thought it was high time I took some pictures and showed it off. I think it turned out fantastic if I do say so myself! {grin}

Since we didn't find out ahead of time what we were having, I was going for a relatively gender neutral room and knew I could add some masculine or feminine touches as needed. Originally I found a picture on Pinterest of a turquoise, gray, and yellow striped wall that I loved but had trouble nailing down the person who could paint it, so I decided to do a turquoise wall instead. Then I added gold stars to trickle down onto the crib. The crib was my sister's that all 3 of her kids used.

The focal wall {I added the pom-poms after Paige got here}

When you first walk in this is the wall to your left. Love the vinyl sticker of her name!
The little book shelf and rocker go all the way back to Trent.
And that door leads into the bathroom.

Above the dresser/changing table are what I am most in love with - 
These signs {made by my sister} are mostly songs I have sung to all my kids.
A lot are songs my mom sang to my sister and me.
Moonshadow by Cat Stephens
Leaving on a Jet Plane by Peter, Paul, and Mary
If You're Happy and You Know It
Baby Mine {from Dumbo}

This 'G' is also from Trent's nursery and a friend made it. 
I just repainted the G in the same color as the wall.

Paige's closet

Another view of her name

And there you have it! I love how it turned out...and maybe soon she'll actually be sleeping in here?!?!

Monday, March 13, 2017

Rebirth

Nothing like the sight of my favorite flower blooming to remind me that spring is right around the corner! Spring is such a magical time with everything that was dormant coming back to life - our yard is perking up, our plants are blooming, THE BLUEBONNETS ARE HERE, the days are getting longer, we'll soon see baby deer in the neighborhood... 

So I'm going to focus on all that new life and remind myself that this too shall pass and soon I will feel the rebirth of my happiness and confidence as a mother.


Tuesday, March 7, 2017

PP Update

I've been taking Zoloft for just over 2 weeks. I would say I am definitely better than I was when I started but I'm not where I want to be yet. The mornings are still really tough with my anxiety very high. A lot of times I wake up between 5:00 and 6:00 and lay there feeling like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. Not really a great way to start out each day! The side effects are also no fun, but I'm powering through them, and they're starting to lessen. I actually have more of them this time around than when I took Zoloft with Trent which I find interesting. Although I did start out on a higher dose this time, so that might explain it?? I just keep reminding myself that I've done this twice before and know it's for a limited time and that I'll never have to do it again. Thinking about having another baby makes me ill, ha! I'm trying not to wish away Paige's newborn time because it really is so special to watch her discover the world, but I also want to feel like myself again. It's hard to be scared of everything, and that's what the anxiety does to me - it makes me scared all the time - scared to be alone with the kids, scared to go places, scared of bad naps, etc. I have to remember that postpartum is an illness, so I can't beat myself up for how I feel. That's tough. But I know I'll get through and come out stronger...eventually!

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

February 2017 Reads


I might sit on the couch half the day holding a sleeping baby, but my brain is tired, so I'm usually watching HGTV during that time instead of reading. I'm also going to bed pretty much as soon as I get Paige down. All that means my February book list isn't that impressive.


Lost Girls by Robert Kolker - This was our January book club pick, but I skipped that meeting due to Drew being sick. It's about unsolved murders of call girls whose bodies were found in the same area of Long Island. The book focused more on the 5 women and what lead them to become call girls as there doesn't seem to be much information about their murders. It was interesting but {as to be expected} sad.

Island of Glass by Nora Roberts - The 3rd book in the latest NR trilogy. It was a good wrap-up to this series.

One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid - Another winner by TJR. 5 years after her husband died, Emma is engaged and happy. Then she finds out her husband is alive! Such an interesting premise, and I really had no idea how this one would turn out, and I was nervous! Both guys were so amazing. But as usual, Taylor manages to make the ending totally believable and perfect. LOVED it!

Black Hills by Nora Roberts - A serial killer/stalker in the Black Hills of South Dakota - a good, typical story from Nora. Not nearly as dark as the subject sounds given there is a love story at the heart of it!

Monday, February 27, 2017

Currently: I'm Medicated

Current Book

My 7th Susanna Kearsley book! Just started it this weekend.

Current Song

Better Man - Little Big Town
I love this song and think it's neat that Taylor Swift wrote it!

Current TV Show

I really loved this book, so I'm excited to see how this turns out!

Current Drink

I am sipping on my latest batch of cranberry tea.
I have been avoiding caffeine lately so sadly I'm on a break from my beloved chai.

Current Shame-Inducing Pleasure

See Current Outfit - I haven't gotten dressed all day!

Current Outfit

This is NOT picture worthy. Pajamas and the Ergo.

Current Celebrity Crush

See Current Movie - I am so excited to see Matthew Crawley as The Beast!
{Downton Abbey reference for anyone not as nerdy as me!}

Current Mood

For the first time in way too long, I feel happy.

Current Anticipation

I DVR'd the Oscars, so I'm excited to watch it!

Current Film

I am so excited about this movie!
I imagine it'll be what I finally get to the movies for since P's arrival. Ready Allison?

Current Picture

Our family's engine and caboose {grin}

Friday, February 24, 2017

2 month comparisons

Let's check in on how these fat Gurley babies stack up at 2 months!


*All stats are comparing from birth*

Trent: 
Weight: 13 pounds, 2 ounces - gained 4 pounds, 9 ounces
Height: 23 1/4" - grew 2 3/4"

Drew:
Weight: 11 pounds, 11 ounces - gained 2 pounds, 11 ounces
Height: 23" - grew 3"

Paige:
Weight: 12 pounds, 5 ounces - gained 2 pounds, 6 ounces
Height: 23" - grew 3"

So interesting! I can't get over how much Trent had gained. And I find it so interesting that Paige has gained the least - although this just coincides with my theory that my kids aren't designed to be big once they get out of me!

Do you think they favor each other?

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Well Sh*t

I started Zoloft on Monday. If I could scream expletives through the laptop to express the depth of my feelings about this, I would.

What started as a bad week turned into 2. It turned into anxiety that wouldn't stop. It turned into crying jags. It turned into loneliness. It turned into being afraid to be with the kids alone because how can I parent all 3 {even though I have done it alone several times}. It turned into not being able to eat - nausea and gagging with everything I tried to eat which led into worry about my milk supply. It turned into being afraid to be away from home. It turned into stressing about Paige's naps. It turned into not feeling connected to my husband or children. It turned into feeling sad. It turned into agony.

Saturday my in-laws kept the big kids and Brent played golf. I sat in our living room holding a sleeping Paige just crying and crying. I knew it was time to ask for help. Sunday morning the anxiety was so bad I could barely stand it. I talked to my mother-in-law and just bawled. Guys, I don't know how I got so lucky to have that woman in my life, but I will never be able to repay her. She immediately said she could come over every day and help. I mean seriously - how amazing is she? When I suffered from PPA with Trent, she took 2 weeks off of work and came over every day and helped me get comfortable going places with Trent and just feeling good in my skin. Between her and my mom, I've  got almost daily company. Those women are just 2 of the biggest blessings in my life.

Monday I called my OB and went in to talk to Liane {the midwife who delivered Drew}, and even though I wasn't crazy about how Zoloft made me feel {the side effects made me groggy and kind of numb}, it has the safest profile for breastfeeding, so that's what we decided to do. I started the medicine immediately.

With Trent, it took a good 2+ weeks to start feeling better. I'm hoping that since I've already taken Zoloft before I'll have a better reaction this time and start feeling better faster. I'm trying to get outside more {I wasn't doing that enough honestly}, trying to not be alone as little as possible, and just praying for fast relief.

So that's the latest with me. A 3-time winner of the postpartum anxiety lottery. Luckily, this is the last time we will ever have to worry about this!

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Grow Baby Grow {Paige} - 2 Months

Well, here we are! Does it feel like Christmas 2 months ago? Because it seems amazing that Paige has been part of our family for 2 months! She is such a combination of her brother and sister - in looks {she is a  mix of Trent and Drew but looks more like Trent} and temperament {she isn't quite as chill as Trent but also isn't nearly as fussy as Drew}, and even though month 2 wasn't a cake walk, she is such a blessing to our family.


Stats:
Weight: 12 pounds, 5 ounces {75%}
Length: 23" {75%}
Head circumference: 15.5" {75-90%}
Clothes size: 0-3 months
Diaper: size 2 {still haven't started cloth, this may be a ways off}
Nicknames: Smoochie/Smooch, Paigey Waigey, Pretty Paige, Sweet Girl

Her doctor said she is doing great! The only thing we need to do is focus on tummy time because she has a slight flat spot on the left side of her head. Ugh. So we're just going to do it every wakeful period for a few minutes and hopefully build up a lot.

Paige is nursing great. She typically eats every 2-3 hours. She hardly ever spits up and usually only does so if she's overeaten. Such a blessing after Drew's yearlong reflux battle.

She started smiling at about a month old. It's hard to tell when they're real, but I got a few good ones early in month 2 and knew they were real. The cooing wasn't far behind, and now she talks up a storm.

Paige has had 2 bottles. The first on February 1 and the second on February 6. I probably should do them more often to make sure she'll keep taking them, but it is extra work!

She's still not sure about the bath. She's stopped screaming during them but just kind of sits there with a skeptical look on her face. She usually gets worked up when we get out and she's naked and cold! So right now we bathe her once or twice a week and wipe her down the other days.

She likes her bouncer seat and just stares and stares at the animals on it. She can get overstimulated by them pretty quickly though so if I need to do something {like shower} I won't put the animals on the seat.

Paige loves to stand up! She is just like her brother and sister - this was a favorite past time of theirs too.

She randomly slept through the night on February 9 and then we had 3 nights of hell the next week where she was up every 20-30 minutes. We bedshared a few times just to end the agony of getting up every time she cried but that was awful too. Luckily that only lasted 3 nights and she got back to our 'normal' routine.

Speaking of her routine, she typically goes to bed sometime between 8-9, normally 8:30. She gets swaddled, we nurse, and she goes into the rock 'n play in our closet. On average, she wakes up once or twice a night. If she makes it until after 4:00, then that's usually it and she can last until 7:00 or so. But if it's closer to between 2:30 and 3:30, then she is usually up another time. She isn't super easy to settle in the RNP, but I've learned I can jiggle the seat for a few minutes and that's almost always enough.

She uses the pacifier, but it isn't as important to her {so far}as it was to Trent. We hardly use it at bedtime - once she is swaddled she doesn't really need it. She loves to have her hands by her face and they tempt her so much that the paci is a big help during naps. I wonder if she will ever figure her hand out and suck her thumb or some fingers...

I hold her for most of her naps. It's a quirk of mine that I hate swaddling during the day. This drives Brent nuts because it makes me virtually worthless a big chunk of the day. I do wear Paige in the Ergo in the afternoon/evenings so I have my hands free for the big kids. She is typically taking about 4 naps a day.

Like her big sister, she is hit or miss on the car seat. More often, miss. Unfortunately, she is in the car for a good 30 minutes or more a trip so that is SUPER fun for the rest of us to listen to.

I'm excited to see what month 3 brings. Paige brings joy to everyone because she is such a smiley, happy, pretty easy baby. She has her siblings wrapped around her finger - they love to hold her, try to entertain her during tummy time, talk to her. I can't wait to watch their relationships grow! It feels good to know our family is complete. Paige is the perfect piece to finish our puzzle.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Radio Silence

Sorry for disappearing last week. To be totally honest, it wasn't a good week. I just love how I crowed after my 6 week postpartum appointment that I was doing so good. And then life decided I needed a good slap back to reality.

There wasn't anything that happened. I think it's a combination of sleep deprivation and adjusting to having 3 children. I tend to second guess myself a lot when I have a newborn and struggle to find the new normal. Even though I felt I had been doing really good, last week I just felt really anxious and it bubbled over into lots of crying jags. I really don't know how people who have anxiety regularly stand it because what I get with postpartum is just awful.

Luckily, Sunday and Monday were really good days. I don't think I'm totally out of the woods, but I am going to celebrate every day that is good and just focus on knowing that luckily I know the anxiety will eventually go away completely. I don't think I have PPA again, but I am going to continue to watch my feelings, take my supplements, and hope for the best! I am so blessed that Brent, my parents, my in-laws, and my sister are all so fabulous to give me the extra attention and support I need! 

I guess if I have to have anxiety, these stinkers are worth it!

Monday, February 6, 2017

Drewisms

I've collected a lot of funny things Drew has said that crack me and that I want to remember.

Drew has asked us how come the fish doesn't talk to her and she will try to carry on a conversation with the fish. It is still a one-sided conversation!

This was a while ago, but Drew wanted her goldfish to die after Trent's goldfish died and he got Gil 2.0. Well, she got her wish not too much later...but we didn't buy her another fish, ha. However, about a week ago, Trent told Drew Gil 2.0 could be her fish...since he has decided fish are boring!

She calls the beta a 'Firefighter fish' instead of 'fighter fish'.

It's always fun having to interpret Drew's song requests - she'll describe the song in weird ways, and it's up to me to guess! I'm usually pretty good but not always. 

There's a local kids play place called Kiddie Acres. But Drew calls it Hello Kitty Acres.

She calls nursing 'milking'. So she'll say 'When you finish milking Paige...'

At school, anytime there is a performance there is an announcement to 'Pacify your cell phones and turn off your babies.' Well, in the car one time Trent said that, and Drew promptly followed it up with 'Bluetooth audio.' which is what Brent says in his truck to play music on Bluetooth.

Some other funny phrases:
Food Fires = Foo Fighters
Stripe 3 = Strike 3
Captain Crook = Captain Hook

Love this girl and her funny expressions!

Friday, February 3, 2017

6 Week Postpartum Check-up

I had my 6 week postpartum checkup yesterday. Long story short, I am doing great! But I wanted to document a few things about my appointment.

First, physically my doctor said I am totally good. I was confident I was, but it's always nice to have an exam and get the same feedback. Paige's labor might have been the longest, but her delivery was the quickest, so I guess this is the upside!

Second, I wanted to talk to her about my emotional state. I filled out a survey when I got there related to postpartum, and my answers seemed to line up with being good. And I feel good. Not great but good, so I felt pretty good that she was going to have good thoughts for me too. Basically what I wanted to know was what her opinion was on my likelihood of postpartum anxiety developing. I know it can happen any time during the first year, BUT my history with Trent and Drew was it starting pretty quickly. With Trent, I was taking Zoloft by 5 weeks, and with Drew, by 6 weeks I was contacting a psychologist. So it seems like if I feel good with Paige and my history is it coming on early, then maybe I am not going to develop it this time? And Dr. Campaigne agreed! She said she didn't want me to think that my expectation was that it wouldn't happen in case it does come on, but she said she thinks I look and sound good. We also talked about the difference between 'coping' and 'winning' at life. Right now I don't think I'm 'winning' at life, but life is definitely not 'winning' over me. It is more like I'm 'coping' with it. And she said up until recently she was in the same boat {she has a 2 year old and a 4 month old} and now she feels like she's 'winning'. Ha. It was a great analogy and goes along with me feeling good but not great. But given my history, I think that in itself is great! Did any of that make sense??

And third, everyone thought Paige was adorable. #duh