Thursday, February 23, 2017

Well Sh*t

I started Zoloft on Monday. If I could scream expletives through the laptop to express the depth of my feelings about this, I would.

What started as a bad week turned into 2. It turned into anxiety that wouldn't stop. It turned into crying jags. It turned into loneliness. It turned into being afraid to be with the kids alone because how can I parent all 3 {even though I have done it alone several times}. It turned into not being able to eat - nausea and gagging with everything I tried to eat which led into worry about my milk supply. It turned into being afraid to be away from home. It turned into stressing about Paige's naps. It turned into not feeling connected to my husband or children. It turned into feeling sad. It turned into agony.

Saturday my in-laws kept the big kids and Brent played golf. I sat in our living room holding a sleeping Paige just crying and crying. I knew it was time to ask for help. Sunday morning the anxiety was so bad I could barely stand it. I talked to my mother-in-law and just bawled. Guys, I don't know how I got so lucky to have that woman in my life, but I will never be able to repay her. She immediately said she could come over every day and help. I mean seriously - how amazing is she? When I suffered from PPA with Trent, she took 2 weeks off of work and came over every day and helped me get comfortable going places with Trent and just feeling good in my skin. Between her and my mom, I've  got almost daily company. Those women are just 2 of the biggest blessings in my life.

Monday I called my OB and went in to talk to Liane {the midwife who delivered Drew}, and even though I wasn't crazy about how Zoloft made me feel {the side effects made me groggy and kind of numb}, it has the safest profile for breastfeeding, so that's what we decided to do. I started the medicine immediately.

With Trent, it took a good 2+ weeks to start feeling better. I'm hoping that since I've already taken Zoloft before I'll have a better reaction this time and start feeling better faster. I'm trying to get outside more {I wasn't doing that enough honestly}, trying to not be alone as little as possible, and just praying for fast relief.

So that's the latest with me. A 3-time winner of the postpartum anxiety lottery. Luckily, this is the last time we will ever have to worry about this!


Emily said...

I'm sorry to hear that once again you have PPA! But I'm so happy to hear that you have a great support around you and are on meds. Keep up keeping up!

the blogivers said...

Man, I'm just sorry you are going through this (again)! Praying the medicine will work quickly for you and that you'll be on the other side of this before you know it. In the meantime, feel free to blog all those feelings out if it helps... we're all here "listening." Hugs to you!!

Kathryn Bagley said...

You really do have such an amazing support system! Praying for you friend!

Karen Peterson said...

As usual I've fallen behind on reading, so I'm just catching up. I'm glad you're getting the help and support you need and now that it's been a week or two, I hope you're feeling better.