Well, friends, I'm not admitting defeat, but I am admitting that things aren't great right now. I feel like my post-partum is getting worse. Brent swears that I'm doing great, and he thinks I'm better, but I don't feel it. I feel anxious constantly and cry many, many times a day. I'm not really sure therapy is helping... I went to see Kaya {homeopath} today, and she added numerous supplements to my daily regimen.
Yummy!
What we've added? Iron, duanewood reishi, GABA...and goat placenta. I'll give you a second to process that. {grin} My placenta pills are out, which I think, in a weird way, proves they worked, so yippee for all these things. I joked with Kaya that I wished there was a market for me to buy other people's placentas, but instead...goat placenta!
What I now take every day...I look like a druggie!
I keep telling myself I have nothing to be sad or anxious about. Trent is the best he's been in almost a year, Drew is thriving and wonderful {she's even sleeping through the night some}, my husband is SO supportive, I still have lots of time at home to enjoy with my baby girl, we have so much family nearby to help...but it doesn't matter. I just can't shake these feelings. It makes me so angry, and I just feel so defeated that, once again, I'm the weirdo that can't adjust to motherhood. I love my children more than life itself, and I so thankful for them, but I can't wait for these feelings to go away so I can ENJOY them.
5 comments:
I have found that usually there are not super rational reasons for our feelings in these situations, but they are still there and you have to respect those feelings... so try not to be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do, though I know that's hard! Praying it passes sooner rather than later for you - hang in there and keep your chin up!
Im sorry you are having a rough go of it, but I think it is really brave that you are choosing to share this on your blog. Probably not much consolation but I don't think many could be so honest in a tough situation. I'm praying for you and that these difficult feelings pass soon.
Hang in there, lady! You are doing so great! I love all the updates.
-JP
I hate to hear that things are tough, but I love your honesty and drive to be proactive in kicking those blues out of the way.
Praying that your days of enjoyment are soon!!
Hang in there! I am so proud of you. Remember, you are giving everything 100% of what you can give. That's all you can do. XOXO
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