Monday, June 18, 2012

Losing My Cool


90% of the time Trent is an amazing kid.  I look at him and still cannot believe he is half of me and half of my favorite person in the world.  It can take my breath away.  But that other 10%?  R.O.U.G.H.  Saturday, when Trent finally fell asleep at naptime after a long battle, I sat on my cousin’s couch just crying.  Trent can be mean.  He gets that from me, and I recognize that.  But it doesn’t make it any easier to parent him when I am trying to teach him to use ‘gentle hands’ (when beating the cr@p out of his cousin or his mommy) or that scratching/hitting/biting/hair pulling/head butting are not acceptable ways to show you are frustrated.  I try so hard to keep calm when talking with him.  I try so hard to parent him with love.  But there are times, like Saturday, where I just lose my cool.  

It started in the morning – I was in the bathroom trying to get ready to leave for the water park, when I heard screaming/crying coming from another room.  I rush out of the bathroom to find Connor pinning Trent to the bed, yet Connor was the one crying with a small wound on his neck.  Based on that, Trent picked on Connor so much (who is so mild-mannered) that he lashed out.  Connor has Trent by probably 2 inches and 10 pounds, which is a lot when you’re 3.  I spanked Trent, but all that turned into was a battle over him hitting me or defying me and me spanking him again.  Mommy fail.  Another battle ensued over Trent not wanting to wear his bathing suit.  In what world is it normal for a parent to have to spank their kid over going to the water park?  We had a great time at the water park, but then another battle broke out over nap time.  I was yelling at him about ‘you better take a nap or else’.  #1 – yelling?  Really?  #2 – ‘or else’…that is really informative to a toddler what you mean.  He finally did take a nap, but I sat there feeling helpless.  When you wonder how your kid likes you at all and isn’t scared of you because it seems like all you did that day was punish him…that’s a low place to be.  I really prayed for wisdom and strength and to rededicate myself to focusing on teaching him with love in my voice and heart.  He’s still a baby in so many ways!  Luckily Saturday evening and yesterday were much better days.  I don’t think he’s turned into a different kid overnight, and I’m thinking my attitude makes a big difference in how our day goes.  I know, I know, it’s taken me 3 years to figure that one out?  At the end of the day, I know we both love each other more than is even fathomable…but seriously…this mommy business?  It’s hard!


5 comments:

the blogivers said...

Davis may only be 14 months and he may be a relatively easy baby, but I for sure still have days and moments when I feel like a failure and wonder how I am at all worthy of my kid's love. We just gotta do the best we can, and on the days when we don't, vow to do better next time. You're a great mama... keep your chin up! :)

Hanna said...

I keep saying I really want a Velcro wall to stick Alexandra to sometimes. Because she couldn't move and therefore, I wouldn't feel the need to pin her down or sit on her. Ha. We are all guilty of yelling, spanking (me at least), and losing a bit of control at times. At least you're aware of it and trying not to make it a norm. Keep your chin up. You're a good mommy. ;-)

Kelly said...

I hesitate to say anything because I know people can always use the "you're not a mom" card. So I guess just take what I say with a grain of salt. But I really believe that children all need punishment but all child respond to different punishments. Some children respond really well to spanking (LIKE ME) and other respond really well to time out (my brother) or losing a priveledge, etc....so maybe you just need to find the punishment that works for Trent. I know it is trail and error. I can't imagine how hard it must be...hang in there. I think you are doing the best you can and Trent LOVES you so much. At school, the kids I am the hardest on and the ones that get in trouble with me are always the ones that love me the most.

The Sloan Family said...

well it's always nice to know that other moms are going through the same things as you. Parker is so stubborn and we actually had a similar situation over going to the swimming pool! Then he had a melt down over ice cream - what kid does that?? I agree that it is soooo hard and I'm always second guessing my actions and decisions. I'm just going to hang on until 4 and hope it gets better!

Jaclyn said...

Oh Allena, we have all been there. I have more times that I want to admit. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and yet the most rewarding. I do agree that our attitudes as moms make the biggest difference. I have realized, that the better I keep my cool, the better they react to "no". Trust me, I lose my cool way to often, but then I make sure to tell them I'm sorry and to try to do better next time. Being sure to tell the boys that I'm sorry for losing my cool is a big deal for me. Plus, I think it teaches them that we all make mistakes and models a sincere apology to them as well. Keep your chin up. You are are great mommy and Trent loves you.