Happy Easter

Hope you had as much fun celebrating as we did!

Chili Chili...Oh Chili Chili

When I was a kid, I had the 'bowl' haircut. Go ahead...laugh. Trust me, it wasn't my choice in hairstyle. My cousins called it a 'chili bowl' and made up a great song {hence the title of this post}. It was traumatizing.

See? Chili in full effect.

{I was just shy of 4 holding my cousin, Hagan}

I realize now this is a hairstyle that will apparently never go away. For better or worse...

Chili Bowl 2.0

{Miles just shy of 4 holding Mayer}

Is There a 12-Step Program for This?

{Boring} Randoms

• Life is very boring right now. In a good way. Eat, burp, poop, play...repeat. I am blank on blog topics because nothing is happening.
• I've been on my new supplements for 2 weeks and feeling mostly good. Thinking about trying therapy every other week...
• We are done treating thrush again, but I'm paranoid it will come back. It came back VERY fast the second time. Ugh.
• Is anybody else having Downton Abbey withdrawals? I may or may not be watching season 1 and 2 again on Amazon...
• Mayer is FAT!
• Drew's Easter dress is insanely adorable. My MIL and I went a little nuts at Gymboree...eek.
• I have been doing a lot of food-related research and feel really horrible about my diet. Slowly starting to make changes to be eating more real food. It's HARD yo. Our government sucks.
• We are fighting the 45 minute nap with Drew. Any advice from other mamas on how to help her not come fully awake at the end of a sleep cycle would be greatly appreciated! If I hold her, she'll sleep for 3 hours...but that's not practical. I get nervous as we approach the 45 minute mark...and sure enough, she wakes up.
• I got spoiled by her sleeping great and she's got a cough and is back to waking up twice a night. Mama is tired!
• Maybe I have come up with a few blog topics based on this randomness!

Trentisms

When talking about Gatorade, 'I got to drink Daddy's deodorant!'

After tripping while running, 'Ooooh, now I'll never get to be a Rescue Bot!'
And 'I knew I shouldn't have run so fast.'

When picking up roly polies to make his pet, 'Say hello to my little friend'

{um...who is showing my kid Scarface?!}

Love this kid!!

One Week Later

A week ago today I walked into Peoples Pharmacy sobbing {talk about mortifying}. I couldn't get my anxiety to stop. I made employees cry I was so emotional and upset. I left after spending $140 on supplements hopeful that, once again, Kaya would be able to work her magic.

One week later, I feel SO much better. Between my lovely goat placenta and my 'homework' from therapy, I hope we have turned a corner. 

I'm sure I'll still have some dark days and maybe even weeks. After all, I'm still scared to have the kids by myself for really long periods of time {grin}. It's hard not to beat myself up with all the 'shoulds' I think, but I'm trying not to. I know everyone is different and when it comes to parenting 'should' shouldn't (haha) be in the vocabulary, but it's hard for me... I constantly think everyone does it better than me or handles the transition easier than me.

All I know is I love my kids, am beyond thankful for my husband and family, and can't get enough goat placenta!

Thrush is a 4 Letter Word

I might not particularly enjoy applying Nystatin to Drew's mouth 3 times a day.

I also don't like washing bras and towels after a single use.

Repeatedly applying medicine to my nips {TMI?} and letting them air dry has lost its charm.

But the kicker? 

Having to pour out my pumped milk. DEVASTATING.

You might wonder why I'm still pumping. Well, I want to keep my supply up to ensure I get enough stored for when I go back to work. But due to this nightmare of thrush, I haven't been able to put anything in the freezer in over a month.

Goodbye liquid gold...

This mama is sobbing your trip down the drain

Drew's 2 Month Check-Up

Because we had a weight check at 6 weeks, we didn't have Drew's official 2 month well-check until yesterday. She was adorable the entire time and even performed a new trick for her doctor - rolling over! {I think it was the way she was propped up on her tummy that prompted it but still such a star either way, ha.}

Stats:
Weight: 11 pounds, 11 ounces (50-75%)
Length: 23 inches (75%)
Head circumference: 40.3 cm (95-98%!!!)

*Thrush is back as I suspected. BIG.FAT.BOO.ON.THAT. I hate thrush. It sucks treating it.
*She got her first vaccine, which I hated...as did Drew.
*Drew is adorable.

Checking In

Well, friends, I'm not admitting defeat, but I am admitting that things aren't great right now. I feel like my post-partum is getting worse. Brent swears that I'm doing great, and he thinks I'm better, but I don't feel it. I feel anxious constantly and cry many, many times a day. I'm not really sure therapy is helping... I went to see Kaya {homeopath} today, and she added numerous supplements to my daily regimen.

Yummy!

What we've added? Iron, duanewood reishi, GABA...and goat placenta. I'll give you a second to process that. {grin} My placenta pills are out, which I think, in a weird way, proves they worked, so yippee for all these things. I joked with Kaya that I wished there was a market for me to buy other people's placentas, but instead...goat placenta!

What I now take every day...I look like a druggie!

I keep telling myself I have nothing to be sad or anxious about. Trent is the best he's been in almost a year, Drew is thriving and wonderful {she's even sleeping through the night some}, my husband is SO supportive, I still have lots of time at home to enjoy with my baby girl, we have so much family nearby to help...but it doesn't matter. I just can't shake these feelings. It makes me so angry, and I just feel so defeated that, once again, I'm the weirdo that can't adjust to motherhood. I love my children more than life itself, and I so thankful for them, but I can't wait for these feelings to go away so I can ENJOY them.

My World

I'm a Big Gurl Now

I am trying so hard to not compare myself to other mothers. {As my friend, Angela, reminded me Comparison is the thief of joy.} I am trying to accept that I don't adjust quickly to change. So this weekend was a big moment for me. I had both kids by myself for about 6 hours. Brent has a bachelor party in 2 weeks that is overnight, so this was a practice run. I could have called my parents to play with us, but I wanted to do it myself.

Were there tears? Yes. {Some of them mine}

Did we have fun? Yes.

Most importantly - We did it!

Just a typical afternoon of solo parenting

He just HAD to get into her bath.

Her expression cracks me up.

Like 'Can't I get anything that is just mine?' Nope, little girl.

So cheers to me!! {And my kids for being fabulous}

Grow Baby Grow {Drew} - 2 Months

Drew is 2 months old today! It really is amazing how much love you can have for someone who uses you as a food source, nap pad, burp cloth and source of entertainment. Babies are hard work...never more so than in the first few months! But Drew is changing and growing every day, and I feel like month 2 has brought on a lot of changes {for the better}. I know her a little more and can anticipate her needs and understand her cries somewhat. I know when she'll probably be hungry, when she might be up for not being held {almost never}, when she's tired...which makes things oh so much easier. We go to the doctor for her 2 month check-up on 3/13 since we had a weight check at 6 weeks. Brent and I are discussing which {if any} shots she'll get...

Trent picked out this outfit at the store for her, so sweet.

Randoms about month 2:
-Still loves her bath. If she is upset, and I put her in the water, she instantly stops crying.
-We have started a bedtime routine. We do bath time (whether she gets washed or not), then swaddle/nursing and bed. It's working great! She goes down between 8:30 and 9:30 usually. We started out the month with our record high night wakings (I stopped counting after 8), but we are ending with 1/night! Consistently doing that for a week or more.
-Naps are so weird. Sometimes she will sleep for 3 hours, sometimes she cries every 10 minutes and I have to rock her and put down {lather, rinse, repeat} until I declare the nap is over. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. Brent says nothing...she's just a baby. Ha.
-Needs a nap about an hour to an hour and a half after waking. So typically 4-5 naps/day.
-Her preference is still to be held. She is much fussier of a baby than her brother was. I can get maybe 5-10 minutes out of the bouncer but that's about it. We dance to music a lot to keep her happy and me not bored!
-Reflux is much better. We are doing a specific probiotic {HLC Neonate} and I take a big dose of magnesium. She still spits up but not as often and it doesn't seem to bother her very often.
-Super sensitive gag reflex. Many a thing has caused her to gag...and then BARF. Love it.
-I try to read to her every day, but she sometimes isn't up for it. Our favorites are the Sandra Boynton books that brother loved too.
-Thrush sucks. We tried a more natural treatment remedy using another probiotic but the powder kept gagging her (meaning BARF). So we switched to the prescription Nystatin. That I have to apply with a Q-tip. And it gags her (meaning BARF). I am so tired of washing towels and bras (have to change them out every use) and shoving Q-tips in her mouth. Only 3 more days of treatment, and I hope this is gone. Oh, and the kicker? I have to chunk all my milk. So I'm still pumping to keep my supply going...but then I have to POUR.IT.DOWN.THE.SINK. 
-Still won't take a bottle, but we're going to get serious about that in month 3. But she is a great nurser. She usually eats every 2 hours for about 10-15 minutes. Much faster than her tongue thrusting brother!
-Started Stroller Strides this month. I can't do some of the stationary stuff because Miss Priss wants the stroller movin'. Next week I think I'm going to wear her to see if that works any better. Because of that, I bought a new carrier! I wanted a more structured one than my Moby or ring sling.
-Speaking of moving...she is only happy in the car/car seat if it's moving. The minute I let my foot off the gas she cries in anticipation of coming to a stop. Funny girl. But she usually konks out pretty quickly in the car which is nice!
-Has started to enjoy standing up, just like brother. Has strong legs!
-Hates tummy time so we usually do 'super baby' to achieve the same effect. Although I count her time standing as accomplishing the same goal. I'm not real strict about enforcing tummy time. If she cries, it's over.
-Smiling up a storm...still waiting on a giggle.
-Started using cloth diapers a bit this month...think I'll hit it hard in month 3.
-Nicknames: Baby Sister, Princess, Girlfriend, Sweet Pea, Pumpkin, Drew Baby
-Wearing all 0-3 month clothes and size 1 disposables
-We've stayed pretty much inside since Drew was born given all the germies out in the winter. We agreed to end that in March. Hallelujah! 

This month has been stressful but wonderful too. I love our new family of 4. I'm excited for what the future holds as Drew continues to grow. I don't like the 'fourth trimester' so I am trying not to wish it away, but I might be just a little. Ha.